Just trying to catch up. You're doing GREAT! We have so many similarities with our H's working with OW and being S. My H is moving out to his own apt. some time this week. Can you believe this will be the 3rd S for us!
I can apply alot of what Wiley has said to you. Wiley where is your sitch? Can you add anything to my thread?
You are doing great, just do not overreact to everything you hear; a favorite sport of all.
And listen. Believe me, when I tell you it is difficult for a myriad of reasons for us to honestly say what is on our minds in terms of R and M and express our emotions and feelings. So, listen.
Wow...all you supporters....thanks for checking in!!
Wiley....you are right about Who's in charge of the pursuit? I've got to take h off his pedistal....giving him too much control....JEEZZZZZ I will use your suggestions....if he cancels, suggesting that we just put things on the "backburner"...that's good! And, yes...I will be too busy to accept the next Plan 1....but willing if he suggests a second one. He is still doing all the calling...forwards an accaisional email on tax stuff....with no comments. I appreciate your specific suggestions/ideas...as do Nik and Wonder! Hey...how did your week-end in Virgina go? Are you posting regualrily...or just helping our us poor souls here on Piecing?
Pam, you are right about really counting those positives...not being so tenative. Thanks
Nik, we do have similiar sitch with H's....Uggg, that's why I follow your post closely, too. Thanks for the visit and bump!
Wonder...I keep close tabs on you, too. Glad Wiley's help works for you, too. Like when those lightbulbs go ON!
Write (or BBD?)....you seem to be following and lending insights that are helpful My LISTENING skills are what I really need to focus on with H. I used to be such a poor listener with him....he always pointed that out to me. I let my mind race ahead, and sometimes miss the real content of what H was trying to express.
Wiley has been coaching me too, in detaching and not being so available. I think we need to make sure our Hs don't imagine that they are the only thing in our lives, while they go off and try out all sorts of things. We have to create a little mystery and intrigue. Pretend if we have to, but better still, actually FIND OURSELVES TOO BUSY to agree to all their suggestions! IT feels GREAT!!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Let him do all the pursuing, contacting, etc..you have to stay consistent. Keep busy like you have been and remember be HAPPY, NICE, AGREEABLE, CONFIDENT and keep going with the flow..
Its all you can do until he decides he wants to come back and work on things, you can't force it, like I tried to do it just has to take its course.
Thats why its best to move on in case things don't work out the way you prefer...
My Virginia trip was FUN, I'll post on my thread tomorrow.
Quote: I let my mind race ahead, and sometimes miss the real content of what H was trying to express.
Ah, everyone's good listening skills at work. We better figure out how we are going to respond and defend ourselves, hmm, what if what they are saying is important?
Believe me, we have trouble saying what is on our mind; so when we tell you something, it is important.
In general, I would not send a card for your H's birthday if you are seperated. Deep down, they know they don't deserve it, and when you simply let it pass without acknowledgement, it gives them a license to chase you a little, which they want to do...
Again, its all about getting that PURSUIT ball rolling in your direction..
H called this morning from Seattle....he said he wanted to fill me in on evening with daughter. They had a nice dinner, she inquired about US...he said he told her about our good talk at Starbucks last Sun. I said, "oh that was good. Glad you had a nice dinner together." Then he mentioned that he said at her graduation in June, that H and I could take her and her roomate and roomat'es parents out for dinner....since that family always has d over for family meals on Sun nights. I said, "that's a nice idea, that family has been so good to her." He seemed proud to come up with the idea. We discussed tax stuff, he said to contact him when the CPA returns our stuff and he would like to come out and review it and sign off. I said, ok...I'll leave a VM or email.
H called again about 2 hrs later, from the airport...to tell me he gave d some cash. (I track the kid's expenses and budget...so he wanted me to know)...Hmmmm. Then he had to go quickly to catch his flight.
H seems like he needs a reason to call....kids or finance stuff. Oh well. He must like hearing my friendly, upbeat voice. He is doing all the contacting. I think when he calls again...and I'm sure he will....I'll let it to to VM. Gotta create a little mystery, as all you are coaching me to do. BTW, I'm meeting with my DB c tomorrow...it's been a while (6+ wks). Think I need a tune up.
I will use your suggestions....if he cancels, suggesting that we just put things on the "backburner"...that's good! And, yes...I will be too busy to accept the next Plan 1....but willing if he suggests a second one. He is still doing all the calling...forwards an accaisional email on tax stuff....with no comments. I appreciate your specific suggestions/ideas...as do Nik and Wonder! Hey...how did your week-end in Virgina go? Are you posting regualrily...or just helping our us poor souls here on Piecing?
