Still at Square One!!!

[DFE]

My previous thread titled Back to Square One AGAIN!!! has somehow been deleted so I will give everyone a brief history.

H and I have been together since college. He was madly in love with me at the time. We have been together for 19+ years and married for 10. We have twin boys that are 4 years old. After we got married he started acting different. In 2005 he dropped the first bomb ILYBINILWY speech and all. I was having health issues and needed surgery so he stayed. In 2006 after my surgery he dropped it again and we separated. I moved back in a month later because I didn't want to abandon my house and he never left.

2008 we had our boys and he was happy. Said he had the best life and couldn't wait to get the boys home. He had also told me that he was sorry for everything he put me through and that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. We had our ups and downs. Sex life improved because he went on medication for imbalanced hormones. Mood improved as well. Then last year he went off of the medication. We got into an argument and he dropped another bomb on me. Are the two things related? I don't know. I seem to think they can be.

He has suffered from depression and anxiety in the past. The medication helped all of that and he seemed happy. He couldn't keep his hands off of me and was so into me. Then in July we had the fight and in September he moved out. He moved back in the house in March but left again after an argument in June.

I miss him dearly. Even those annoying habits he had are so missed right now. I see him almost daily because we are business owners together. He is very friendly to me and acts as if nothing is going on but says he is happy with the separation.

Last night he went to visit his sister who just had surgery. He calls me on his way home to tell me she is doing great. Funny because I didn't ask. He then text me and said we need to go do some medical tests to make sure we don't have anything lurking. Why does he still contact me about stuff like that? He is always texting or IM'ing me. Is it habit? I am still his best friend or so he tells me. How can someone throw that kind of friendship away??

I really don't know how to act. I am trying to be friendly but I also think that too friendly isn't good. He wants to take the kids to a baseball game and do all sorts of things as a family. Although it's an opportunity to show him the new me I also feel like if he doesn't miss out on any family things he won't know the reality of divorce. We wont remain like this forever.

So that's my story. I look forward to all the feedback and responses I get from everyone. This site is keeping me going. What makes a WAS come back?