Hoping for WAS to come home

[Not Quitting]

Jax, just read your thread. There's similarities with my sitch as well. My H doesn't get on with my family - I don't have an issue with his as they live in the UK and I have no contact with them. Even when we lived in the UK, we weren't close to them and had minimal contact. Of course, saying that it was because H wasn't overly close to them either. I lost contact with both my sisters for years because I was trying to keep H happy. The only good thing so far out of my sitch is reconnecting with them both. The big issue between H and I right now is living with my dad. I've even suggested that I would look for somewhere to rent (not going to be easy with rental prices around here and a bad credit rating to go with it), but if that's what it's going to take to help save my marriage I'd do it.

It took 6 months from BD for my H to even hint he still wanted to work on the marriage, but he still says he doesn't know if it can be saved. He moved out shortly after first saying it - said he needed more space and time to sort things out. Even though he's said he still wants to try and work on the M, he's never shown any sign of regret for what he's said and done since BD, and I no longer expect him to.

Stop trying to read her mind - it'll just drive you crazy. I know, I tried reading my H's mind and it certainly drove me crazy. Any vet would tell you the same thing. As a mother I know I couldn't leave my son (just having him away from home for two weeks now is killing me), but I was lucky enought to not suffer from PPD. Both H and I have had PTSD though - him from his military service (he still has flashbacks even now) and both of us from the death of an infant. Depression does play tricks with your mind, so who knows what's going on in there. And to be honest, having been through a form of depression, you don't want to know what's going on in there - it's a dark, scary, depressing place right now.

From what I've read here and elsewhere, the worst thing we can do is try and rush things. Months or years seem a long time, but if you really feel your W and M is worth it, then do what you have to do. I'm not ready to give up on mine yet, and I'm finding just reading posts here is really helping me keep things in perspective. Our spouses may never come round, but if we keep DBing we'll be in a better place ourselves. As hard as it is to maintain, a PMA is the most important thing, especially when you're with your kids.