New and need encouragement

[Not Quitting]

It does give me a little hope that your H didn't say he wanted to work on the marriage until 6 months after BD. my W only stayed in the house 30 days after BD and has lived away for 3 months so I'm only 4 months in so far. When I read threads with people well over a year I get discouraged big time. I truly don't know how they can hold on so long or that the spouse has not filed for divorce themselves after so long.
So it seems like the month that he has been gone has affected him. Is he renting or staying with friends?

He's renting the spare room from friends. There are a few good things about his choice of living space. The friends are an older couple, stable, long term marriage, with old school belief that he should be trying to fix things not just throw away 16 yrs of marriage. He considers them surrogate parents and has a great deal of respect for them. He's not allowed to misbehave under their roof - no friends, and they're monitoring his drinking (without nagging). The wife has talked to me about our problems so she's actually heard both sides and she's supportive of my desire to save the marriage. She also thinks its MLC and went through her H's MLC and survived. Hopefully her experience will help get us through this. She says she's been subtly giving him advice, worded in such a way that he doesn't see it as nagging or demanding.

I'm really hoping that the separation will make him realize what he'd be giving up. I do know he does miss spending more time with S13 - he's told me that but he still needs to let S13 know that as well.

I know what you mean about reading threads of those well over a year. I hope I don't have to but I would still do it if I thought I had any chance of H coming back. He never made any effort with XW1 or XW2, so I take that as a good thing as well. With both of them he filed on grounds of adultery and was divorced within months, no looking back. Guess it says something that he says now he doesn't want to throw away 16 years.

Don't give up on your W yet. It was a bit of a surprise when H first said he wasn't done with our M yet - I had almost come to believe I was definitely about to become a divorced single mom. I try to look for even the smallest positive and overlook the negatives - doesn't always work but I try. I haven't read your thread yet but I will.