Well....here's the end of the week-end update:

Did not see H at all Sat. He left a few messages, that's all.

Sunday: son slept in, I took a long walk, went to church (always helps my PMA, and helps see beyond my navel...) H called on his way here, asked if he could bring anything. He got here and we had small talk...about the dog, kids, weather...y'know stuff friends talk about. We ate breakfast, talked with son, NCAA, etc.

H asked if I wanted go go out to Starbucks and get a coffee. He was impressed with my new car...very practical, yet nice. WE got our coffees, joked around a little and sat outside in the sun. He started talking about US....he generally analyzed me and my strengths as a person, then his. He thought of me as a nuturer/fixer...caretaker (and said that's only one part of who I am...) He characterized himself as a "seeing-eye dog" I asked him to explain more. He thought of himself with me, the kids and people he works with as someone who guides and challenges people to do their personal best, an encourager...one who recognizes potentials. I agreed (much of that is true, at least for me and the kids). H went on to talk about his "ruts"....his busy days, good days, frustrating days, and sad days. He is changing one rut, that work will no longer rule his life. I said good for you....that sounds healthy. He said he is feeling a little more like himself each day, and that is all he wants....to be himself again, not to pretend to be anyone else.

I validated...and went onto tell him about my recent self discoveries. That a silver lining in this sep. is that I am beginning to peel off the layers of BS, excess stuff, I had allowed to bury the real "ME" and now am finding my core again. I said it feels good and others are drawn to me...I agreed...being more myself is the way to live. We seemed to communicate quite well for that hour. It was nice.

On the way home he caught me up on work dynamics, etc. It was pleasant.

When he first got home, H asked about getting together this WEd for dinner. I said, sure that would be fine. Then he said we could meet somewhere. THEN about a minute later, he said, well maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea, he gets in that day on the plane...could be late, has to leave early in the morning on another flight...might be preocupied. Might not be such a good idea. He said he'd call. I was confused...and just shook my head.

Then at home things got somewhat awkward when he was getting ready to go and son & I were packing the car to return him to college. He left kind of abruptly. I said "bye" and continued walking down the hall.

He called about 5 minutes later....said "that was awkward...leaving....he's got to work on that. I said, "yes with son around the dynamics are different and it was awkward." Then I said....I am confused about Wed...let's make a plan or not....I don't want to wonder until the hour before." He said he appreciated that, and said he really enjoyed out talk at Starbucks, and should probably wait until a better time, when he isn't between travels and possible preoccupied. I said that makes sense. We agreed we'd find another time for coffee or dinner. He said he'd call later in the week...but he has lots of travel in the next 2 weeks. He knows I have some coming up too....so in my mind it could be 3-4 weeks....OH WELLL.....I'm dropping the rope again.

He wanted s and I to have a safe drive, to be careful in the rainstorm. (of course he never offers to take son...and son doesn't ask him!)

Lots of things about H's behaviour still pi$$e$ me off. Then I see glimpses of the ole guy I fell head over heels for and want to ravage him on the spot. ...but that will have to wait till it's totally mutual. Heavy sigh.

I'm hanging tough. Wiley....will take your suggestions to heart. yes, I will be busy on the week-ends for a while...tho he may not ask. He needs to really pursue, you are right...I don't want to be too available.

Thanks for wading through this long review.

Mooka