If I can chip in as well based on my own current experience.
D10 as she was then started to notice Mom and Dad passing each other in the house without communication, she noticed that the fun and laughter had gone and she started to ask questions. I agonised over this, and no I haven’t read any books, but I did speak to SIL and she said if she’s asking questions then she deserves her some answers. I had a sit down chat with D and explained the overall situation to her at which point she burst into tears, after some comforting she said it was hard for her to take on board what I had just told her but she needed to know. She said whenever she asked mom any questions the reply she got back was nothing “you’re too young to understand”.
Now that she does understand what’s going on the questions I get are slightly different like, “dad, mom calls you and your side of all sorts of bad names why don’t you do the same ?”. That I can answer easily. Or the one time three of us sat down for a meal D said dad you made an effort to make conversation but Mom just messed about with her phone.
I have mentioned before (maybe in my thread) that W has answered questions on her original A and said it was a mistake that Dad won’t let her forget, but in talking to D11 on grown up stuff she said that she won’t be making the same mistake as her mom has.
I have seen D11 grown up very quickly now that she knows mom and dad are not together and she has developed her own self defence mechanisms for dealing with when W goes out on her “date nights”. If I make a comment like oh mom’s taken her overnight bag D will quickly say “leave it dad” followed by lets “find a fun movie we both can watch”.
So yes D11 has quickly adapted to the situation and I think most kids do, she knows her mom is making wrong choices but she loves her all the same and I encourage her to do so. When we finally do split I’ve told her to make sure she maintains a good relationship with her mom whatever happens or whatever she sees.
I am angry and bitter and would love to portray W as some sort of **** crazy woman to D11 but as Underdog says that would be counter productive in the long run.
