I hope that one of the VETS can chime in here because I am at a loss of words. The WAS can have a change of heart at any given time. What triggers it could be anything.
If they chose to leave, I wouldn't say they are happy about it, even if they say they are. WAS are confused with what they want and what they are feeling. REMEMBER, believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what you see. They are trying to work through their feelings.
In their minds, they are making the best decision they can, based on what they are feeling at the time. It doesn't mean that they are making a good decision.
If you are wanting to reconcile with your husband show him by keeping your wedding ring on. Let him know that your goal is to work through your marital issues and to keep your family intact. If he chooses to leave, put that decision squarely on his shoulders. Don't be accommodating when it comes to S or D. Make him do all the work.
He will blame everything on you but you cannot believe that. It is not your fault, but it is your problem now. How you react to his behavior, will cause him to react. He may not react positively but he will react. How he reacts is not your problem and you cannot control his feelings.
If he reacts negatively, just calmly say, "im sorry you feel that way", and then go about your business.
My post may be old news to you but without reading your situation, this is the best I can come up with.
I am sorry that you have been going through this for so long.
