New and need encouragement

[chasingpavements]

Not Q,
What does your H mean by "we're not done yet?" Has he explained that?

The first time he said it (and that wasn't last night) I asked exactly what he meant by the statement. He said he's still willing to work on the marriage, but that he still needs time/space, and that he doesn't want to walk away from the marriage yet.

I'm giving him time and space, although a lot of people I know think I'm being stupid for putting up with him now. He has good days and bad days in terms of communicating with me. We can go days with no contact then all of sudden he's texting me frequently. Same thing goes with asking me to meet up with him - nothing for days, then its two or three days in a row. Sometimes I see the old H, more like the man I married, and sometime (although it's getting less often now) he's the new man, nothing like the man I married. It's like the fog lifts for a while then drops again, although its seems to lift more often and for longer.

NQ, I feel like I am somewhat in the same situation as you are. My H and I had a trial separation for a couple of weeks while he stayed at his brother's house. Then he moved back in, and we are back to being in that 'limbo' again of not knowing if we are working on things or separating. It's so hard isn't it? My H is struggling with the fact that he doesn't want to split the family up, but he isn't sure whether he wants to work on the marriage or not.

'Time and space' seems to be the answer for now.. but it is so hard! Some days it is really hard to deal with how they are acting, especially when they are sending mixed signals. I feel the same way about my H, that he doesn't seem to be the same person I married, he seems to be a new person that I don't recognize. Every so often I also catch a glimpse of his old self, and it gives me hope. And sometimes we will communicate effortlessly, with no tension, and it feels like old times again. I think that is what is giving me hope.

Hope you are feeling better!

-Hwy61