Fy, I have been a long time and have seen a lot of MLC stories. I have also been in contact offline with a fair amount of people from here.
Here's the thing and the reason why your w confuses me.
Most, not all, MLCers get an EA or PA. Most, not all, do not stay such good friends and keep up appearanes or want to keep them up as long as your w has. Most, not all, do not share all the details of when they go out, to their spouses.
As far as the brother thing, I know you dont think it is affecting her much hence the not on her radar comment. But, as a woman, I can tell you that kind of thing can cause deep wounds. I am not telling you that to cause concern.
After all, you know her best. We only get to see what you show us. But, if I had to make a guess, while it might not be foremost in her mind, it has had a profound affect on her.
She might not even realize that it is part of the root of her actions.
I can be wrong. Wouldnt be the first time. I truly hope that I am.
I am glad I emboldened you with my words. .
And you know, I am one of your biggest cheerleaders, FY. Really and truly.
My hope is that your w sees that she can have a fun life, have friends outside the marriage, try new things, feel young all within a marriage with you.
.