Which is the truth?

[forlovessake]

I've thought about my controlling behavior a lot. The true answer, or at least what I think is truth, scares me because it makes me feel like there's no hope. I think I control because a) I'm afraid of rejection and b) (and this is the big one) because I want H to be something or someone he's not. And when he shows me who he truly is in relation to his goals, dreams, personality, etc i try to coerce him into another way. For example: I want him to love being a dad and for D to be his #1 priority. Truth is he loves her, but never really wanted kids and has said he doesn't love all the other work that comes with patenting. I also want him to be thoughtful and respectful oft time and family functions, yet those dont seem to be of concern to him and never have been. And lastly I just want him to actors mature; to be an involved dad and husband who enjoys time with his family and gets satisfaction in doing hobbies D enjoys as well vs the teenage social behavior he often displays.