Mtnman, I would hold off on the IC's advice for a few days to a week and maybe write out the two possible scenarios: (1) continue as-is or (2) stop acting like a married couple.
What do you want for yourself? Maybe limit W's time when she comes to the house? Does she drink or come drunk? Stop that with a boundary.
You have the two boys the entire time, which makes it difficult to GAL and have some time to yourself. Maybe an agreement where she has the boys 2 nights a week? Freeing you up for some 'me' time might help you detach.
Does she help with chores? cooking? and the other work associated with running a house and raising two kids? If not, then ask her to start contributing again.
I think if you stop acting like a Married Couple, then this might lead to a D. Are you ready for that? On the positive side, it might be enough of a shock to her that she can lose you and her family that she will react in a positive way.
I think it depends on what you want, and also on what you're willing to risk.
