New and need encouragement

[Not Quitting]

I was doing pretty well at detaching and at not showing emotions to H before this whole conversation. In fact, I was getting my emotions pretty well under control at all times, but now I'm an emotional wreck again.

The thought that something as simple as where we live could be a major factor in how and whether things work out between us has really thrown me. I couldn't help but be overly emotional in front of him last night and I'm really struggling to keep it together today. The affection he showed to me didn't help things, especially the good night kiss, as that made me break down again.

My dad has been saying repeatedly that he's going to have to sell and downsize, that he can't afford the cost of living in a big city. Maybe I should have a discussion with him to see how serious he is about that and would he be really upset if S13 and I got our own place here instead of moving wherever he goes. I know he wants to move to a smaller town as property prices and related taxes are lower there (he's on pension income only). I could say I don't want S13's schooling and his extra-curricular activities disrupted by moving to another town - completely avoid the fact the my marriage may depend on that happening obviously. The big worry is could I afford rent on top of everything else, especially if things don't work out with H.

And just when I was starting to get my emotions back under control, H texted a little while ago simply saying "remember we're not done yet" although he left off the additional comment he made last night "but we're getting closer". I haven't responded to that one yet. Not sure what to make of it. Is he pushing for me to make a decision about moving out? Is he trying to see how I'll react?

I know, stop trying to mind read!!