Goals is probably a good idea. Today my goal is to get through today.

JOURNAL: I am feeling sad, desperate, confused, in pain. I know that I knew this was coming. That it was a real possibility. That it's my choice to no longer wait for her and allow limbo but it hurts so much. I think this is why some of us keep going back. To limbo. To the little piece of hope that we can have when we listen to their lies and our own denial. It stops the pain for a while. Then it causes pain.

She doesn't love me. Not right now. She hasn't for a long time. It's so hard for me to accept that but it's what her actions show. I have to figure out a way to push through this pain. I can't go back. I can't. It would be more of the same. Giving me hope, lying to me, telling me she loves me then telling her she loves her. I can't.

I miss her so much.

Me(F):40 WAW:44
T:13yrs M:9yrs
BD:2/12 (I saw a text)
ILYBINILWY: 5/12
PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11)
S:2/13
Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13
W moves home to R: 10/13