H invited me out to dinner last night. We had a nice meal, chatting about work and S13. After dinner, he suggested we drop my car at home and walk to a local bar so I could have a couple of drinks with him since I wouldn't drink with dinner. We spent a mostly enjoyable evening.
He did a lot of initiating - held my hand for a while, gave me a hug and held me close for a few minutes, good night kiss when he dropped me off home and a talk about our marriage.
This last one is where the problem started. Not even sure if any of the vets would be able to help with this one; I checked table of contents in DR and couldn't see a section that would cover it. H says he doesn't want to walk away from 16 years of history but that he is very close to doing it, and it all comes down to one major problem. Now we both agree that this is a problem but I'm not sure how to solve it without causing other problems.
The main obstacle right now to saving my marriage is the fact that we have been living with my father. We moved in with him when we first moved to Canada (we met and married in the UK). Things didn't go according to plan and anytime we came close to being in a position to get our own place something happened and we couldn't do it. Up until the end of 2012 he was only there 1 or 2 days a week. He had a long term partner in another city and he stayed with her most of the time. She passed away in mid-December so at the end of December he moved back to his house full-time - fairly close to BD in fact.
So I guess it comes down to chosing between my husband and my father, but how do I do that without alienating my father, and possibly 2 sisters as well. I completely agree with H's assessment of things - we have no privacy, we have to listen to my dad complaining about finances, we have to put up with his grieving (not openly crying, but definitely affecting is life and PMA). However, without my dad giving us a roof over our heads years ago I really don't know where we'd be - in a shelter somewhere probably or definitely worse off financially.
I desperately want to save my marriage. I love my husband deeply and will do anything to save the marriage. The question I've got is how do I deal with this seemingly insurmountable obstacle to our marriage. If I was 100% certain that H would stay in the marriage and work on fixing our other problem (we stopped communicating properly with each other), I would take the chance on renting somewhere, but without his salary I doubt I could afford it. We've just had to enter a debt settlement program to deal with our bank loan and credit cards.
Does anyone here have any advice on this sitch???
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
