Am I ready for this?

[Mtnman]

So things with w are practically back to the norm prior to her meltdown two weeks ago. She's spending more time with the boys and back to telling them she needs girl time, etc. S6 is really pressuring her to come home to stay at night. He brings it up every evening.

I'm doing terrible. I've started waking up at 4 am again with a knot in my stomach. I am just not able to detach at all. I think a lot of it is due to how normal she seems. I find her looking at me often. Getting in my space too much. Twice she has texted me and made comments about how my being nice to her must be an act. She invited me to ride with her to pick up the boys one evening. We're having company over for supper tonight. So many "normal" activities.

I feel as though I'm in constant prayer, pleading with God to fix this. I've got to find the strength to keep fighting. It's all I can do not to pursue. I want to chase her and show her what she means to me. This too shall pass.