Hi dmr, I can relate to your frustration. Some advice on my part. If you decide to call a DB coach again give it a month at least between sessions. It usually takes a month or two to see your results. More of the same is what you want.
Also, in a previous post you compared infidelity to alcoholism. I can tell you that alcoholism is usually tied to infidelity. I found a lot of support going to al anon mtgs. It was a great way of GAL and when I walked in those rooms, I felt the comfort and warmth that was missing in my life. Great support system.
Lastly, make your 180 "being patient." Practice it everyday, all day. While in the car, in line, at home. Practice practice practice. It will help you break that old impatient habit and create better relationships with those currently in your life and new people!
Take care of DMR!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I panicked when the D talk started, but then she did snoop and find my journal last week and no doubt saw my note about mixed signals and no D talk. I think that pushed her to see the L. I don't know why I left that notebook behind when I took my DR book with me.... DOH!
She's coming to visit kitty and get some stuff tonight. I'll be going for a walk, but my DR book and notebook are going to be well hidden or with me this time! I don't think either one of us is ready to sit and chat or have me puttering about while she's collecting stuff to take with her.
She said it would be after 8:00 and of course I wondered what's going on before 8:00, but let that thought recede and not dwell on it.
Setting boundary of screwing up? W texted me from house (old house, where I'm stck) while she's there to get some stuff. I had left the title to the new house on the counter with the car registration. She wrote: "Since I see the letter where is the original deed ? If you hide it I will let my atty know"
I asked her to ease stop accusing me of stuff and that I put those papers there for her. I should have left it at that but I asked why she does that.
I finished with: "I'm sure you are under a lot of stress, so I'm not upset by it, but it does hurt."
Which is a bit contradictory, but I'm not saying another peep about it! Yikes.
She drove by as I was walking home, and I tried to wave, but not sure she noticed. It was dark, and as it was I couldn't tell it was her until the car was right near me. Love walking at night on narrow rural roads.
Anyway, I hope I didn't look like a nut squinting in the headlights trying to see if that was our car that was about to narrowly miss me. She was probably pissed about that text... but, there's that attempted mind-reading again. Let it go, DMR, let it go....
She didn't text me to say she was leaving, like last time she was here. On the upside, if she could see me clearly in the headlights, I'm looking trim (from the depression diet) and had on a nice, new button up shirt. ;-)
Just don't know where to find the strength for this. Today was long and stressful, with the early cab ride to IC, walk to store, cab ride back. Didn't sleep well last night. Napped when I should have been working. <sigh>
If it weren't for the cats, I think I would just leave and go visit relatives in turn until they got sick of me, and/or flop at my brother's house for a good long while. As long as there's internet, I can work.
I shouldn't do this, but I can't help wondering if W felt guilty here, knowing I was walking because she selfishly took the car, and knowing how I hate it here and how much I was looking forward to the move. I just know in my heart that she is not finding happiness externally. I don't know how I know this, but I do. Just the little signs, maybe.
But, that doesn't help me when she's pushing herself and pushing my buttons if I don't keep to my resolve and my LRT. :-(
