Hey BKS thanks again for the advice. I do believe my expectations are at zero right now and I don't even know if I have hope as with what I have stated above.

I know I deserve better, I deserve honesty and love and someone who would communicate and work on things. Someone who also wouldn't cheat. I thought I had that though and I want to believe she could still be that.

Only thing for certain is she doesn't want me in her life.

Half of me wants to reach out and apologize for pressuring her into staying into the marriage, for chasing etc. The other half is sad it came to this and feels that it might be pointless unless she came back now because how could this be repaired and how could I ever trust her again?

If she comes back later it will be the realization that the grass wasn't greener. That isn't redemption though or seeking to right a wrong, that is attempting to hedge. Is that something I should ever want to take back? That is the only reason why I believe I should fight to save things now. I know it won't work though.

What are your thoughts community? How do you accept someone back to reconcile if they leave later - after the affair. How do you repair that gap? What about your self respect? Her respect for you?

Regarding Stats:
We were separated because of work for about a year and we handled it horribly as we didn't communicate or take care of each other. When she returned we had ups and downs and then the BD.

We went to MC and it was tough, it was good for a while. She even eventually admitted to an EA although she backslide and at first argued with the MC that it wasn't one. When she went to visit her parents she told them but they didn't feel it was one. By her return she was telling me that I was wrong and the therapist was wrong even though she wrote that she wanted to be with this guy, had feelings, and even loved him. She said she didn't want me to confront him when I first found out because I might ruin it. She even lied about the name. She is now with this guy....

together 7+yrs
Married 3
Me 33
W 33
no kids
BD 9/12
MC 9/12
W leaves MC 10/12
W moves out 11/12
Divorce 2/13
W moves 5/13

together 7+yrs
Married 3
Me 33
W 33
no kids
BD 9/12
MC 9/12
W leaves MC 10/12
W moves out 11/12
Divorce 2/13
W moves 5/13
NC 05/13
D final 8/13