TLW, trust me when I say, I am not doing it ALL right. I backslide ALL the time. Then I dust myself off and get back to living Sandi's 37 Rules and my GAL, 180's and AsIf's.
Just because my signature looks positive, it is no guarantee that we will be able to reconcile. She is still very negative towards me. She does have better days than others (WAS/MLCers cycle too) but, I still believe that she is done with our M. Time will tell. By lowering my expectations to ZERO, I don't count on her wanting to try to work on our M issues anytime soon.
Also, if you attend a church, ask the priest to recommend a marriage counselor. Go by yourself and start working on yourself. This is for you not your W. If she chooses to go later on, great. You can not force her in anyway to go to MC. She has to want to go on her own. Don't even ask her. You may tell her you are seeing a MC and she is welcome to go with you but that is all you can tell her.
Try treating your M as if it is over and that she will never come back. Then, with that in mind, what would you do differently tomorrow knowing that you are on your own. Once you figure that out, go do it. Start moving forward with your life AsIf she is not coming back. Go out and have some fun, even if you have to fake it at first. It will feel very awkward at first. JUST DO IT! It will feel more natural the more you do it. Like they say, act AsIf your happy, confident with a PMA.
That is how you detach. If she contacts you, follow Sandi's 37 rules on how to interact with her. Know them inside and out so that you can apply them when needed.
Treat yourself well and exercise, eat and sleep. Read DR's LRT. I think that is where you need to be right now. VETs please chime in if I am incorrect on this. When you feel down, recognize it and stop it immediately (Visualize a STOP sign in your mind). As soon as you start feeling that way, stop at the STOP sign and go running, get busy doing something positive. Anything that makes YOU happy.
Don't spend too much time by yourself at first. Hang out with friends and family but, have a PMA around them too. If you have a close friend or relative that you can vent with, do so judiciously. I didn't have anyone to talk to at first and I started going to MC. That is what helped me the most during the first few months.
Keep up the PMA and GAL.
Keep us posted on how you are doing. We are all here for each other. The faster you learn DBing, DR GAL 180 AsIf, the faster you will feel better emotionally. DBing is for you more than for your S. It is to improve yourself not to get your S back. She has to choose to come back all by herself. You cannot control her choices, only your own.
