HI THERE EVERYONE (Pattie, Wiley, Water & bwriter)...thanks for the great responses last night. Before I went to bed, I quickly got on the BB and read them....the support brought tears to my eyes....good tears!

This morning, thought I'd update:

H took the train here, scrambled and got here at 5:30. We talked for about an hour....he was crabby at first (said people at work are unhappy and making his life difficult) Hmmmmm (ow?) So I stayed quiet, then he shared bits and pieces of it....no names just simple overview. I validated and listened carefully. Then we talked about s and how to enter the discussion. He asked me if I minded if he took the lead in the conv. I said, that would be good, that he is good at these family communication overviews (which he always had been over the years). S got in, hugs all around. He was chatty, but knew something was up. Asked to talk before dinner. The 3 of us sat down at the table, H started in. "Your mom and I are still dealing with US...we're communicating and getting along well....but both have agreed we are kind of STUCK in the mud" Then he went on to explain our whole history....how we fell madly in love when we first met, were together 3 yrs, then decided we wanted to commit to each other and have a family together. He went on and on about raising young kids, the work and love and constant energy it takes. He kept mentioning our R love throughout...(?) then said about 5 yrs ago, when Mom stopped working and his job responsibilities increased, that he and I both started putting our energy more into ourselves (and always into the kids) and didn't take care of our R and nuture like we should have. He said last yr was a big "wake-up" call for both of us....and we've had some pain realizing that our spark for each other was...(he looked at me) and I said "dim" He asked s to try to understand and continue to be patient with us and that we thought the only way to get "unstuck" was for H to move into an apt...and sort things out. He also went onto say he was in 3 ruts.....his own (so life, no outlets) his work (too much of a workaholic...escape of sorts) and then US...(dim spark in R) That we both want more than that and he has to sort himself out, get out of his ruts, and then see if our R has enough to re-ignite the spark.

There was more, but that is the highlights. I added some...we were all calm. S was amazing!! really! He listened closely, then said "you guys have to figure out your stuff on your own.....I'm building my life and loving the college life I'm involoved in....friends, frat, classes, independence, etc. So, I'm keeping busy and I plan to stay out of you stuff.

We had a simple dinner (tacos)...by the way H suggested take-out so I wouldn't have to cook....but S wanted Mom's cooking (even tacos?!?) We had a pleasant dinner. Talked sports, events, etc. (It felt like the olden days )

When s went upstairs to unpack, H asked me how I thought it went, and how I thought he communicated with S. I said, it went way better than I had anticipated and I was really impressed with his sensitivity for S. (which I was) He is good at this stuff....really much better at diplomacy than I am.

H left around 8:30 and asked if we wanted him to come here Sun for brunch and to hang out with s. We both agreed that would be fine. H also made plans to meet me for breakfast or lunch next Wed...(he has a dentist appt) in the area....I said lunch, that I had a staff mtg in the a.m. He also asked about meeting for dinner some evening in the next 2 weeks (half-way) to talk about how we are both doing. I said fine.

After H left, S asked me how was I doing. I said, pretty good....that this was hard for both of us. He and I might go to the Passion movie today....

Well, gotta go, this is long enough. I have a meeting with someone in 15 minutes.

Mooka

P.S. Just wanted you to know, I kept my cool, was in pleasant spirits throughout.....worked out my anger before-hand THANKS to all of you and this BB!