Also thanks, Thumpered for reminding me there's a gazillion things to do around this house for GAL activity. For one, the place is still filled with packed up boxes since we were in the process of moving before W moved without me. I can organize stuff better, clean, etc.
Went ahead and scheduled my last DB session (I had purchased 3) for next Thurs. Wish I could have afforded 7.
Anyway, going dark, staying dark. This time I mean it.... yeah, I know, just had to say it. :-| Just trying to remind myself that all I can do is do better next time.
I don't have a lot of faith, so hope is all I can say I have. I still can't stop myself from praying for us, even if I'm just asking the universe for just a little nudge. Then I feel selfish because of all the bigger problems in the world.
Just journaling here. No plan to change tactics yet. Just musing.
W was right about me being afraid to be alone. Neither of us has ever really been alone. We're probably both the same in that respect. But now she's back in her home town, but I'm out here, isolated and truly alone.
I so want the pain to end for both of us. I almost want to just say "Goodbye, my love. I'm sorry for all the pain, and I wish you the best in finding happiness."
I just have one suggestion since no one has posted. Cancel your DB session and save it for when you actually see a change in your sitch. You've burned through them very quickly for a scenario that hasn't changed at all.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
One of my problems is needing constant reinforcement. Even now I should realize time is my friend, and use every minute wisely. I'm off to IC appt. this morning, although by expensive cab ride again.
I hope the IC session helps. Do you own that house you're living in? Is there some way you could move closer to civilization? Rent an apartment or room? So you would not be so isolated.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I'm so maxed out on the major life stressors. It's been a long haul of working on this place, working on the new place, work, etc.
I do own this place (paying a mortgage, though). I can't move unless I can sell this place. It wasn't going to be an easy sell even if I could get all the needed work done, and right now, everything's on hold. I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future.
I think this was a shock to the W, too. In the fairy tale she's living in, she assumed I'd just immediately sell this place and move back to CO or something. :-/
I was having a nap and pondering about the W texting me and asking me how the cat is doing as I was nodding off. Next thing I know, there's a text. I swear, she can sense when I'm asleep. ;-)
Anyway, she asked a question about car registration and home insurance policy and I answered her questions directly and gave her a cat update and left it at that.
I tiny accomplishment, but it as something. I swear, though, I can almost sense when she's going to text....
psychic connection. My H claims he has it with his OW the Russian Tramp. I hate hate hate her! Good job on the text reply!