Surviving Infidelity

[2chiquitos]

Hi labug! I was thinking of you today! I hope you're doing well ;-)

SD, Thank you for your words of encouragement! I need it!

Last night was rough. I let my trigger get the best of me. Again I ran (literally) out of the house while I was bathing the kids. H stepped in and took over. If H wasn't there I would've continued to bathe the kids and let them watch TV right after so that I could recollect myself. Instead, I bolted.

We talked but it just got worse. I realize that I had expectations from him when I told him about my trigger. I told him that I feel that he treated her and spoke to her so much better than he ever treated me. I expected him to erase the past. To tell me that OW meant nothing to him and I was always on his mind. Tell me that we (kids and I) were always a priority. I know that's a lie.

Instead he said that when he left he had no intention of coming back but when he saw my changes he reconsidered his decision. He said we were terrible towards each other before. Today I realized that he justified his decision because he revised our history. If he ever understands that our relationship wasn't as terrible as he thought, that is when he will feel the tremendous wave of the consequences of his actions.

This morning I was difficult and again he stepped in to finish getting the kids ready. He said I shouldn't have the kids when I'm like this. I said, I've been worse before and you never stepped in. He said he didn't know how bad I was when I would get my triggers.

I had a newborn and a 3yo that was not only regressing because of a new baby but because his dad suddenly disappeared. It amazes me how clueless he was.