Today is another one of those days. I surely wish I was able to put all this good advice into a productive application, to find my happiness again. It is all ringing true in my ears. I just can't put it to work in my heart.
Today, MIL, SIL and her children are spending the morning/afternoon sitting pool side at my business. MIL is here to babysit daughter while wife works. I get to looks them in the eye and smile while I work my tail off. When wife gets off, MIL will go home and wife will take daughter to OM's house. I don't know why, but I can't find any peace in that. It just upsets me. I keep trying to tell myself, "it's just emotion. It will pass". It does pass, but shortly after it comes back in another form. I just can't stop fixating on it, no matter how hard I try....I just gotta keep telling myself, I will get there.
Here is the reason I feel the marriage is over. It's been almost 9 months, not a crazy long time, but not short term either. During the separation, wife has been ADIMENT that she is never coming back. We have not had ANY of those moments where feelings are shared, regrets are expressed, nothing. She wants out, and she has since day one. Furthermore, she says that she has been extremely unhappy for a very long time. Why on Earth would she choose to come back? she knows in her mind that her loneliness and depression about the marriage wasn't just a short term flash in the pan. It lasted for years and years. Also, she is completely starting her new life. She has all new friends, all new activities, and a new man in her life. She is becoming attached to his family and her new circle of friends. She has expressed to me that she is happy, content and having fun. Why would she want to give that up? Finances don't seem to be a concern for her. Living conditions don't seem to bother her. She appears perfectly happy being a part time Mom. What would her incentive be to return? I don't think she will, based on all of the above. I don't think most WAS ever come back, for these very reasons. I believe a WAS that returns, had a deeper connection to the LBS, or they had a lesser reason for leaving and staying gone in the first place. I think a WAS that returns is probably very rare. My wife is on the far end of being detached and moved on. She is not wavering in her choices, at least not any longer. She is already gone, at least in my opinion.
