I know its early, I know it's going to take time, But the realization that my wife, whom I love, walked out on me four days ago is setting in. I was shell shocked on day one, Hell bent upon fixing myself on Days 2 and 3, Today is day 4 and I woke up just totally flat.
I have had no contact with her since Monday morning, no affair that I am aware of (good knowledge of her whereabouts the last few months), She walked in and said ILYBIANILWY (Love you but not in love with you) and wants a divorce. I have all ready posted this story and will be working the 180 to the max when she does reach out to me (and I expect she will).
It is just this 49 year old (no kids) feeling of hopelessness this morning that overwhelmed me. Good nights sleep, but woke up with a lump in my throat.
While I know this is normal, I just hate it. I am going to keep following my routine, get dressed, go to work, keep the house clean, show consistency in everything I do and keep reading the "180" rules.
First weekend is coming up and I am dreading it. I will keep my head up, stay consistent and do what I have to do to survive, but its these first steps that are horrible...
It is hard, but it is so important to take good care of yourself so that you stay strong and make good choices about how and when to approach her. During this tough time, a DB coach can be a wonderful resource. Not only do they give you support and hope, they coach you as to the best way to make contact, interact and react to your wife at this time....and how you can make a difference by yourself in turning things around. You will make it through this. Take good care and I would look forward to talking to you.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
I am reading DB now along with a book called "I love you but I am not in love with you" that both of similar paths. We are on day 6 with no contact, I have seen a few shared posts in facebook, but nothing direct and nothing related to our sitn. I have not posted anything (exercising the 180), eventually we must talk due to finances, bills, etc etc, I just need to be prepared at this moment to employ the right technique to convince her to work with me to fix our M.
Still full of ups and downs, I walk alone through a 4 bedroom house while feeling and seeing all we have built together only to have it implode on me is almost unbearable. Still have not told my siblings or mother about the breakup, too embarrassing at this point and too painful.
Just wistful today hoping she will contact me at the right time.
For now TB, keep the family out of it, you and her don't need the added pressure.
I know how bad you want her to work on the marriage right now, but im not gonna lie to you, that's NOT gonna happen. You need to get that out of your mind and NOW. That comes off as pressure and controlling. Both will push her away faster than you think.
I know the absolute hardest thing to do in this early stage is to detach, it feels damn near impossible, but its EXACTLY what you HAVE to do. ANY talk about the future is a BAD idea right now, and the near future.
Why are you roaming a 4 bedroom house alone? Cause right now you've let your emotions take over in a negative way, if you continue to do this your also making things worse. STOP looking at facebook, it will get you no where and prob even make things worse as you will start thinking for her or about her. Don't project what she's going thru, cause you have no idea.
Take care of yourself, sleep (get some melatonin for just before bedtime), exercise, and most of all EAT. Get out of the house, even if its a walk around the block for now, join a gym, pick back up or start a new hobby, hang out with friends. Keep yourself and your mind busy, worry about the only thing you can control right now........and that's you.
Your in the first week of what might be a year or so of work, going to have to learn to be patient. Trust me, I know how impossible that sounds, but you have to at least get started.
Keep posting, try to explain why your here exactly, what went wrong, and what you think you could have done differently. Give as much information as possible so the vets will be able to give better advice without having to ask a million questions.
Keep posting here. Read others posts. Post to others too.
Dont read Facebook.
Spend some money on you and your new hobbies. Do what you can afford, maybe private golf coach, group guitar lessons, or just treat yourself to a massage.
Get a hobby and just do it even if you dont want to. A hobby is your medicine you just have to do it. Fake it till you make it
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
