I will be pulling back more and more. I haven't been doing that, because I truly wanted to save this marriage, or at very least give it a second chance.
One of the great ironies of saving your M is the harder you try, the less likely you are to save it. Anything you do to save the M is just perceived by the WAS as pressure and it drives them farther away. The LBS has to work on themselves, when they start becoming strong, independent and confident again it's then that the WAS may look back.
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I am just now beginning to realize that is never going to happen, and therefore I must change the focus to the life ahead of me. I can't keep putting my hope in the possibility that wife will come back. She isn't coming back.
It's impossible to tell whether she'll come back or not, it's too early to know that. But if you have to believe that in order to save yourself then perhaps you should assume that.
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My marriage is done. I feel completely broken, and emotionally drained.
Try to think of it as one chapter closing and another opening. Because that's what it is NO MATTER WHAT. Even if your W changed her mind this afternoon and said she wanted to reconcile, it's still not a continuation of the last chapter. That chapter is closed, slam it shut with a thud and grieve it's ending, and make yourself a blank slate to write the next chapter on. Be like a child full of wonder and awe at what's ahead!
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I just want some peace and happiness back in my life.
Then put it there, because that is completely under your control.
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How do I go dark without becoming distant and cold?
Let me ask you this- if you're 100% sure your M is over as you've said, how would you respond to the above question?
