Wiley....thanks for dropping by so often.....I really enjoy your support and specific responces.
Freckles! Thanks for the encouragement, and as you are lurking around....feel free to throw out advice,ideas, etc.
Well, H comes home tonight after last business trip This will be our last night here together. I am building up my strength to stay cool, calm, collected, centered.....this takes work for sure. Then he is back on a bus. trip Wed afternoon and I leave Thu to see d. When I get home Monday, he will be out of the house. He plans to work from home Wed morning. He doesn't realize I have to work in the morning myself....but not until 9:30ish. I often work late mornings and afternoons, I work only part-time.
Anway, just wish me the best DBing skills I can muster up right now....I think I am really beginning to detach and understand I am on my own now. Hard, but many of you have experienced this and your situation is a success. I'll keep on working on me...continue in a forward direction and let God's plan take hold.
Just chiming in to say you are doing wonderfully in this difficult position you are in right now. In the last couple of posts I see a bunch of baby steps you are making!!
I got home late last night from my week-end with d on the west coast, skiing. We had planned this mom/daughter week-end for a while. But, I also had to tell her the big NEWS about H moving out. And it was really hard. I have some resentment toward H about ME having to do the dirty work....but she lives in the NW and we only see her occaisionally...and didn't want to do it by phone. H plans to see her in the next week or 2 during a business trip so they'll have some 1:1 time. Anyway....she cried, got angry, was sad, was sympathetic, strong, courageous, and spiritual at times. We both cried, talked...I really tried to hold up most of the time....and tried to have a united front with H...that we both agreed we needed to take a step from having our heads in the sand. That is was hard for H too....even painful, he stated the week prior. H called Sat morning to ask how we were doing. I told him straight out....this was really hard, painful, but we were talking it through and needed to process throughout the week-end. He said that the actual move for him on Sat was much more difficult than he anticipated and talking was one thing, but actually moving was really hard. I said "I'm sure it is hard." I wanted to say "GOOD>>>HOPE YOU ARE HURTING BAD!!!" (but I didn't).
He said he would call me today and we would go over how our d was doing. We would also talk aoubt finance stuff and then when/how to approach s (who's in college, too, about 3 hrs away). YUK....I hate the part where the kids are involved, but it affects them so deeply. Up until the bomb (last June) they thought of us as a solid, happy, secure family. It shook their world. Of course as a Mom, I worry for their security, their future relationships, trust, etc. SH!T, no matter how old they are, it's so unfair to them!
Ok, now for me....I arrived home late last night, H gone now for good. I was wondering how I would do. I've prayed alot over all this and asked for courage and guidance to be the best Mooka I can be. Anyway....I'm doing quite well. Walked around the empty house, h only took minimal stuff, bought new TV & couch for apt. I watche TV and then went to bed and slept better than I thought. I'm slowly catching up on all of you here at BB and getting back on track for ME. I have plans for the next 4 nights in a row....thru Fri....GOOD FOR ME. I have 2-3 very wonderful, supportive friends who are checking on me already this am.
So, I will try to stay strong. H and I have a phone appt today at 12:30 to catch up on things. I will try to be pleasant, agreeable, factual about d emotions, and then talk about s and what our plan will be. He may want to put off telling him for 2 weeks, but I disagree on that point....think it will make him more angry that he was kept in the dark...plus d wants to talk with her brother ASAP....and doesn't want to wait that long. I don't blame her...they need each other.
So any feedback from my supprt team here would be great. I'll have more time this week to catch up on everyone's sitch.
Well you sound good!..I'm glad you enjoyed your time with your daughter and "bonded".. over the news you had to deliver, it will make you stronger in the long run..
I agree with your take on telling your son about all this SOONER rather than later..hopefully your H will see it from his son's perspective and not make things worse by stalling the news..Preferably, he'll be a strong DAD and and share the responsibility of breaking the news to HIS son, rather than having you go through that on your own again..Either way, its another opportunity to SEE what you really have in him, this is a two way street Mooka..
I'm thrilled that you are filling up your social calendar this week, spring is on its way, get out there and enjoy yourself..
Hang in there. Sounds like you are coping best as you can. WAW moved out Monday, only two days, but it seems forever. You wonder what they are thinking and the answer is they are thinking of themselves. PERIOD. Must get that through my head. I still wonder where she is and what she is doing.
I cannot imagine being in an empty house; the empty closet is enough. I have the three children here. She's only 15 minutes away, so they will see her a lot, not everyday and we usually talk almost everyday, only about mandatory issues, children, schedules, finances. This is the most difficult thing we will ever do. We want so desperately to understand and we have NO idea.
Hang in there.
write
Please check out "Broken Pieces" under Piecing if you get an opportunity.
Thanks Wiley.....you seem to always be there for me when I need support! Do appreciate you keeping tabs on me at this time.
Nothing really new. Small positives? H called and left VM Monday (while I was travelling home) H called twice yesterday (catch up on d and s issues) I called him back both times, we played phone tag. H just called with more input on d conversation he had with her.
I handled conversation quite well, I think. I was honest with him about d reactions...tears, anger, compassion, loving support, etc. But other than that, I was light, casual, friendly. Asked him some details regarding B-day card for his sis. He filled me in on purchases for his apt. And then, I ended conversation lightly & quickly.
He said he was just keeping me posted. We made a plan to see s on Sunday, so will spend most of the day together (6 hr car ride, round trip). It will be hard, tho....s will really press us on separation and if this means D. He is very pragmatic and cuts to the chase. He's also not afraid to express anger. My maternal instincts are challenging me these days.....this is hard stuff. I know they're great kids, with strong values/morals....and I've gotta let them be.
Anyway, just wanted to update, vent, and selfishly bump up my post for any of you willing advisors/supporters.
Oh (((mooka))) ... there's more sets of eyes on you here than you know.
From where I'm sittin', you know the DB "walk" ... now its a matter of keep on keepin' on. Take this time to get use to the recent adjustments you had to make and discover how to make the most out of it. Even take some time now to draw your attention off of R-sitch so you can recharge your "batteries" sorta speak.
I don't have a lot to add to the advise given above, but did just want to drop by and say hi! Thanks for stopping by my thread today.
Thank you for the kind words.
You also seem to be on the right track. It is a process and the ride is long. And just when you think you are nearing the station, around you go again.
HI..Mooka...this is a tough time..I know..but have faith and the stength will come to get you through each day..use the time to get to know you..It is very hard to tell your kids..no matter what age, but do your best to be positive..I can't stress it enough to not bad mouth their dad..or blame him..they need you both. You have read my story, anything is possible..even when things don't look that good.
over the news you had to deliver, it will make you stronger in the long run..
I know they're great kids, with strong values/morals....and I've gotta let them be. 