Need to Dig Deeper everyday...

[Mimi00]

Journal:
Had some deep thoughts during the months after my W dropped the bomb and before I read DR.

She said I never understood her. I never learn to read her body language. All i care is about myself. She hates me for all the things I've ever done. She never had a father to dote on and questioned me why i can't dote on her more. She hate me for making her feel that she is never worth anything.

She followed up with another text the following day. She told me she remember the times she had to beg me to love her. So often she had to beg me to buy her things. So often she had to beg me to spend time with her. Its always ended with her crying badly and feeling so hurt before I will change a little. She commented on things never stays for long. She asked whether I remember the number of times she tell me that she don't feel love. She also said that nothing has changed except her expectations for me. She didnt feel that I've put in extra effort to make her feel love.

Your W sounds a little like I did the first year of my marriage:

Things happened that caused me to feel my H no longer understood me (no I realize it was poor communication on both ends)

I didn't feel loved by him (at the same time, I was 26 years old and didn't really know what I wanted/needed him to do to make me feel loved, I just expected him to know what to do. I needed to mature, learn my self and then tell him directly what he needed to do. Can't expect someone to mind read, especially when you don't know for sure yourself) Has she told you specifically what you can do to make her feel loved?

I wanted him to spend time with me at home because I am a homebody (I should have been mature again, stepped out of my box and spent time out and about with him instead of wanting him to sit home with me, then both of our needs would have been met)

So I'm sure just as I needed time to grow, learn myself, that's what your wife needs. So sorry she isn't understanding that she can do those things and still be with you, while you change the things you need to change as well. My H is the same, he feels he now needs to be alone to make changes on his own and I with only be a hindrance to his happiness or a source of pain.

Just wondering how i should react if I spot my wife on the streets? Do I go up to her and greet her or just turn the other direction? Would this be called pursue?

Also if anyone can tell me, do you all still call your wife, "wife" or by her name?

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I've always called my husband by his name. He's always called me by my name or a term of endearment, but never wife.

If you see her on the streets, greet her or wave and keep going on your way. Be mature, no need to turn in the other direction, especially if she sees you.