One giant leap forward! - Part 2

[T1000]

When she saw you were not going to fall apart and beg her not to get a lawyer, she saw a tiny glimpse of you being done. You did not pursue and try to change her mind, b/c you were fine.....either way. Even though she seemed to be quite angry, she still saw a side of you she liked.

You are in a good position now. You can start taking charge and calling ome of the shots. Your next step? Be still. Don't jump back in. You have to put her to the test.

She asked you what it would take.....and you told her. I don't remember anything being said about going out together and spending time as a family. T, if you start taking ger up on these "invitations", you will be right back in the same old boat again. She doesn't want to see a therapist, and she will try to wiggle out of it by buttering you up so that you won't insist she go. The zoo is her web to draw you back in.

As simple as that. You are correct, I don't have to take any invitations because we are not at the point to do that.

She may not be intentionally plotting to use the zoo day as a means to draw you in, but that is all she knows how to do. Your part is to hold out and stick to the stipulations you gave her. You must see some evidence that she is setting up & keeping her appointments with a therapists. Not just one time and then stop going.

She goes back to the constant TMing and sending pictures. I've told you that's how she works. You can respond sometimes, like if she asks a question worthy to answer, but do not fall into that trap of being tied to the phone and responding to all her contacts. Maybe wait till the end of the day and then make one TM. You have to stay in control of this.

We have already had a few interactions today regarding a bill for the house that was in her name. I left it a few hours before I responded. She asked me to change the name over to mine. Normally I would have crumbled and accepted her instruction. I said, it's in your name, you phone them and change it.
5 mins later she's tells me she's done it. I feel a little unsure of my actions when applying them but 9 times out of 10 she does what I ask. It surprises me but also makes me realize that I can push a little more.

I emailed her a list of books she could try and I also brought up the whole having the kids at the weekend just to make a clear plan for the next month or so.
I'm curious to how she responds. It's part practical scheduling, part test.

If she gets mad b/c you aren't dancing to her number and jumping every time she contacts by TM, stay calm and cool. Remind her that you have told her what it would take and you aren't getting back into the old patterns. You will not be going out as a family to the zoo or staying for din er at her place.....until you see her putting serious effort into those stipulations you gave.

If you don't stick to it now, it will be extremely hard later. Let her see that the old ways will no longer work.

I keep having to remind myself of where I am. That I am fine with both outcomes and doormat treatment behaviour will be rejected. It helps me get back to my centre when I'm feeling some anxiety.