DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[Mimi00]

^^^*we are now in the month of July (correction on my last sentence above)

I had to come up with something quick, so I just made a short video with the dog and I, saying happy birthday etc..etc... and sent it in a text to him.

He responded "Thank you for that! Hope you have a good day!"

Before he responded I was debating if I should figure out how to have a gift (balloons & cookies or something) sent to his job today....

Would that be doing way too much? Should I just leave it at the text/video??????

[MrCAS]

Leave it at the video. What was nice about that is the you took the effort to make it just for him. Obviously, it set well with him. Anything more might be just piling on after the whistle.

Asking for his opinion is respectful. Respect is part of validating.

[Mimi00]

Leave it at the video. What was nice about that is the you took the effort to make it just for him. Obviously, it set well with him. Anything more might be just piling on after the whistle.

Asking for his opinion is respectful. Respect is part of validating.

Thanks MrCAS

For me it's so awkward not being there for his birthday and doing something.
Just doesn't seem normal/natural, but I guess in time it will become so...

[MrCAS]

The firsts of everything seem awkward. Birthdays.... Holidays... Anniversaries...

Trust me. Yeah.

[Mimi00]

The firsts of everything seem awkward. Birthdays.... Holidays... Anniversaries...

Trust me. Yeah.

I've had my own birthday and our anniversary since he BD'd, I was ok, but for some reason his birthday made me feel some kind of way this morning. Not sure why....


...and here I am, worried he's alone on his birthday. Then I sign in to FB and see he's having a celebration tonight at a fancy establishment.

I just have to keep reminding my self to believe little of what he says (he told me when he went back he was going to cut off a lot of people from his life, that he has no one, his co-workers aren't really friends they just thrive off of his energy and add nothing of worth in return)

He's living life & *seemingly* having lots of fun.


I'm supposed to be going to the gun range next week. Something I've never done before, and no one would every in a million years imagine me with a gun! Should be a fun, stress relieving, 180/GAL. lol

[Mimi00]

Just me rambling.... I'm working 15 hours straight with a lot of down time and ridiculous thoughts so I figured I'd let them out here:


After this weekend I may need to take a break from the forum.... I feel like I am thinking about H a lot more the last few days and maybe in mind I associate this forum with hope for us, since thats why i initially cam here? I don't know... I'm just feeling less detached for some reason this week. I'd been doing so well until this week.

Last night & this morning, I was really down about his decision to leave and him having a birthday celebration (though i know he has a right to live life and celebrate his day of birth....lol)....he says there is no one else but i keep wondering if he had a date lastnight, or took someone home with him for a "private" celebration and if he woke up with another woman in his arms and felt really good about it.

I know I will probably be told that what he does shouldn't be my concern and he's free to do what he wants......but there have been no papers filed so I still feel very hurt at the thought of him physically moving on before the divorce or dissolution is filed.....even though in his heart and mind he's already done.

I kind of wish that he had filed before going back out of town. Then maybe it wouldn't bother me so much?

I've been having urge to call and tell him how much hurt and pain I've been feeling lately (but sharing my hurt is probably wrong, right???)...and to tell him to hurry with filing so I can move on.......but then right after I have a thought not to rush him in case there is any hope for us.

See how not detached I am now??? Lol
Why????

I just want it all to be over. How do I stop thinking of him? There's only so much GAL I can do where I live right now....that's why I wanted to rush moving.......but now that i cant right a way, i feel a bit hopeless....though I know things are not hopeless and someday things will be better... that is still how it feels in the middle of our plans, hopes and dreams being thrown away. I know its okay to dream new dreams, but it seems hard to do right now. I Sometimes get excited for my future alone, then the thought of the hardships that will come, tramples the excitement i do muster up.

I'm not a big complainer....so I hate that this is all getting to me. I wish I was stronger and could just walk away with ease.

[Mimi00]

This week H seems to be posting photos frequently on social media, since he's been deciding to leave, that's not normal behavior for him.

It slowly started some weeks ago, after his initial "maybe we shouldn't be together" (a month before his recent visit), he took a picture of his chest showing a necklace I bought him last Christmas, that has a Cross pendant, with the caption "EXTREMEMLY blessed" (that hurt me at the time, b/c I was in the middle of DB'ing, not making contact w/ him, giving him space and feeling like I was in the middle of the fight of my life, while he's feeling "extremely blessed"???)


Now since his last visit, a little over 2 weeks ago (after the official BD) he's been posting almost non-stop beautiful photos of his environment: mountains, blue skies, at the pool. He's putting comments on the photos that "life is good" "I am blessed" "highly favored(by God)" "relaxing day at the pool" etc....

It doesn't bother me as much anymore, but I have a question:
Does any one think he's doing this on purpose, possibly trying to convince himself, or others, that he's doing so amazing? Or maybe he's doing it to try to get some one to come and visit him?
(before he left, he complained that none of his "family comes to see him; in our 4 years of marriage only 1 friend visited" and now that he's divorcing me, and deciding to live in the mountains he said he has "no one" and is "starting from scratch")

I don't mention anything about his pictures to him, he knows I see them obviously b/c we follow each other on different social media though.

---------------------------------------

I hadn't heard from H since the morning of his birthday (7/19) when he thanked me for my text.

I was going to text him yesterday just to say hi, ask him about his b-day and tell him I'm taking the car in for some work on Thursday, then I stayed strong and decided not to, so I did not text him!

A few hours later he ended up texting me though.

H: How is your weekend going?

(20 mins later)

Me: It's well, I'm at work, been here all weekend. How are you? How was your birthday; feeling any older/wiser?

H: Birthday was good. I feel stronger.

Me: Stronger how? Why do you think that is?

H: Physically. I don't know.

Me: Have you been able to get that out of breath feeling you were longing for? (when he visited a few weeks ago, he kept saying how he missed feeling out of breath, b/c of the high altitude in the mountains, he wanted to have that feeling again)

H: No not yet

Me: I decided to take the car in on Thursday.... Still have to price check around. Do you think the timing is good? (he was off of work for 3 weeks and will get paid for the first time this week; So now that he'll be getting paid for the first time since the official BD, I wanted to include him in the decision to take the car in for work with out necessarily asking for his permission)

H: Yeah

Me: Ok. My Mom is having tons of people over this weekend so the dog will probably have to go to a kennel, you know how he gets lol

H: LOL yeah, he's crazy

(4 hours later)

Me: Driving 80 in a 65, heading home from work. Good night
(I got a ticket when he was here for driving that speed, so it was a joke)

H: Goodnight....be safe...and stop speeding!
-------------------------------------------------

I am going this weekend to look at apartments in the city where I will possibly move back to for the job. I am taking Tori's advice, and feeling it out first, see if it feels "right" being back there, so I don't make any mistakes. A friend is going with me, so I'll GAL while there too. Should be fun!

I will try to keep my comments on here about current convo's with H, to document any changes in our interaction and about my GAL activities and not talk about the past b/c I think that's what go me into my loopy, non detached state, shown in my post above lol.

As always I appreciate the feedback you all give. Hope every one is doing well on their journeys

[Mimi00]

H texted again today to let me know he was pulling money from our "emergency" savings to cover a bill and get some personal items & food(he was away from work for 3 weeks and finally gets paid for the first time since returning to work, at the end of this week.)

Me: "Ok, thanks for letting me know. Hope you had a good day at work"

H:"I'm still here....but thanks"

Me: "O.... well hope your HAVING a good day at work ;)"


The one thing counseling DID help us with was our money issues. He would never save money, but he would give money to his mother when she asked for it, yet say he had no money to save.... I had a problem with that, b/c it made me feel like he didn't care about our future, put $5 in there a month, show you care, that's all I wanted. In counseling the counselor told him that ideally you savings account should be 3x's what you make in a check....he listened to her and has been saving ever since. We decided to open an "emergency savings" and a "nest egg" savings...so now there are no issues when he needs to "dip" into the emergency savings, use it all you need to.

Even though he says he's "done" with the relationship, it's interesting he still checked in about the money today. Maybe because I checked in yesterday about taking the car in to have work done? We work so well together now that we're apart lol

[MrCAS]

Quit looking at FB. Stop looking at what he is doing.

I blocked my W off my news feed over two months before she blocked me off her page. She did me a favor as far as I am concerned.

You need to stop trying to read into what your H is doing, too. It will just drive you insane. I used to do the same thing. I stopped worrying what she doing or thinking. It doesn't make much any sense anyways.

Keep coming back. You will find strength here.

[Mimi00]

I am going 6 hrs away this weekend to look at apartments and weigh my options with moving.

Do I tell H?

Since H and I don't have kids we have no reason to communicate much... but I guess I still worry about how he'd feel finding out about big desicions after they happen.

For example last month my mom had a bad reaction to medication and I found her in her room face down. Once she came to...and seemed ok....my first reaction was to call H and tell him how scared I was....but since I was DBing and he wasn't calling me much either I decided not to

When H visited recently I told him what happened to her and he was a bit angry no on let him know.



So now I wonder...since nothing has been filed....to what extent do I keep him in the loop on my life? Any advice?

Quit looking at FB. Stop looking at what he is doing.

I blocked my W off my news feed over two months before she blocked me off her page. She did me a favor as far as I am concerned.

You need to stop trying to read into what your H is doing, too. It will just drive you insane. I used to do the same thing. I stopped worrying what she doing or thinking. It doesn't make much any sense anyways.

Keep coming back. You will find strength here.

You're right. I don't seek out to see what he's doing but when I am bored I do sign on to fb or instgram and there he is. I'm not curious about what he's doing in relation to us....but in general wondering what he is seeking through this new behavior... I saw his cousin respond to one of his photos "I'm coming out there next year...get your place together!" I truly do think that his goal to get someone to visit him. But as you said I shouldn't be concerned. I'm not a big social media person so I will start signing on even less.