i don't want you to be or feel depressed - you're better than that. we all are. it's there- i know, (our own human frailty) but we are not the types to let it suck us under. I am sincerely thinking and hoping too.
I'M GLAD to hear you sounding so powerful. you are undoubtedly right - what great stuff- saying it all rite out to him.
i believe you're rite - if you and he split it changes his dynamic with ow- i guess that's why every one is always urging it- and then - THE TIME IS RITE and ta da.
guess you are at your time for this brutal honesty to him.
me- floating only at moment. too much other crappola going on i think- (i'm opining here) with my mother sitch- it's sooo big and sooooo kind of soul-sucking to watch your mother who took care of us all(tho no one else much is around or gives a darn about her it seems ) (well- toooo easy to shove it onto me) - but anyway- losing her poor old mind and struggling daily with the changes allover her live constantly- fighting it- not remembering it, or understanding becasuse, hey, she just forgets it in ten minutes - etc. it's a mess . it's sad and depressing too- knowing it will NEVER BE BETTER than it is this minute - and sometimes it's a hostile mess...
no help to give her tho- nice to be away- but a constant worry still...
am i making excuses for my self- probably. this business of too many people being gone or heading out. maybe i'm clinging tom y " old life" too much - linda dead, alan dead, shore house on the market (huge) , h heading out -m om heading out- talk about never going to be better than today- i know, depressing outlook.
I am just not there but admiring you for you knowing where you ARE at this minute. me- i'm glad not to be in puddle of misery and bleeding- grateful for my bit of detachment. i'll take it today. i just don't seem to have anything much in there at the moment for the misery....
you're my good example today-
i hear h pulling up in car. back to hospital every few hours- his aunt i guess, sooner rather than later, is dying of congestive heart failure i believe. 89 -lucky i'd say to have made it that long after 70 or so years of smoking- really! make that 74. it's not a pretty way to go tho, sucking air - literally- looking for breath. pooro ld thing.
he does it- and it's hard - yet he thinks he doesn't care. says he won't feel bad when she's gone- is he kidding self or are there REALLY people out there that donot feel anything like the rest of us? attachment - love? (he slings word around to ow enough). he uses the notion for his own way-
does he feel it? who knows? probably a psychopath rite? someone without whatever it is he's lacking?
i do wonder- about him- oh well.
anyway- for the moment i'm standing here - not sure if it qualifies as "still standing" or not. i'm present but not accounted for.
you're sounding good - i know, i'm addicted to my buddy in here - you - too.
i know- linda';s thread - what a hotbed of activity. it is confusing and tiring sometimes. linda - you inspir4e alot of caring- I cannot imagine how your h can't be totally in love. maybe you're so nice - he can't "livd up to it? kind of thing? did that mean anhything at all??? anyway- thanks girls - dawn hang in there , you're sounding so in charge
i get your feeling- your life is changing around you and you're damn tired of fiddling around and not going forward and taking a big chunk - you go girl (is that dated or what? but wanted to say it anyway)
girl power!!!
xxoo have a good day- i'm serious you know about meeting just old anyone and making even a stupid casual dumping -ground buddy. find a stranger- dump like mad- it's theraputic-
isn't there a support group out there you can glom onto- grief? divorce, whatever??? i tried but it was a total bust -
so i know it's not easy- what about a supoort hotl ine and just on the phone??? there are some of those out there- when my sister was going down with alcohol i found a few - but couldn't actually get her to get help with them-
a thought. OH AL RIGHT- i'll say it again, i sure wish i was your neighbor- maybe when i get back to nj- if my mom's shore house isn't sold and is free - we can meet up and go get away. just a wacky thought- it's owned by her with two other cousins - so the time is alalotted this way and that- but you never know rite? just a thought.
it is a pretty beach- and it's usually not too cold in september still- i don't know whose month is what tho- will try to erwemember to find out.
we could have a giant giant girl's pity party- i know we'd all laugh likwe mad no kidding
