Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[RosaLinda]

Oh Dawn I wish I could give you a big hug right now. What a difficult situation. Sometimes you just need to let it all out to a friend, cry and just be held for a bit. Do you have a friend you can confide in?

This broke my heart: "I’m so done living like this, I’m done feeling paralyzed by being M but not a W, not free in my mind to move forward to L, and holding on to my family that is growing up and leaving me alone.
I’m depressed because I’m stuck. He won’t let me go but pushes me away. Holds on to EA, but their R only works as long as he’s M, otherwise he knows it will change the dynamics."

Of course he wants to hold on to you and his family, AND have his OW at the same time. It's the MLC way of life. I think that all of our men are addicted to their OW. In fact, Ellie (KML) was just explaining to me yesterday that this is due to dopamine, a neurotransmitting chemical in the brain, that gives a feeling of euphoria. She said dopamine is released in infatuation, and also by cocaine and other addictive activities like gambling. So his relationship with her releases that chemical in his brain, so he feels euphoric when he's with her. This helped me to understand my H's relationship with the Tramp, but sure doesn't make it any easier to live through.

You sound so stuck, in such a bad place. You said you feel that "Going dark only gives him the space he craves, and NC helps him need EA more" and that you told him that it's time to move out, that you want a D. Will you stick to that? Can you?

While I am writing this, I see that Snodderly has advised that she thinks it's time for you to pack his bag for him. Maybe that would be the best thing Dawn, maybe living apart from you will force him to really make a decision about what is right and important in his life.

I'm holding you up in prayer this morning my friend. Hang in there, you are going thru such a hard patch right now. Things have to improve

(((((Dawn Marie))))))