Getting Back to Me

[RealityTrip]

Hey Spin! Suck doesn't even begin to describe it!!! It's a Tsunami of Suck!

I do need to start journaling again. I need to get a new one. The old one has to much of the sitch in it. This one should be all about me and my recovery.

Last night I got a lot of work done on compiling the division of property and fincances.

SD, if your out there... I woke up think morning and spoke about the things I was grateful for out loud. My lil' dog who's the best companion, my friends and family, everything I have learned about myself and relationships over the past year and then I said I was grateful for the years I spent with my W... the chance to love and be loved. Came out of nowhere but I went with it. Then I was grateful that I had no idea where my life was going but I trusted that God did.

This morning I sent my SBXW (wow... first time I called her that) the spreadsheet to review and gave her some things we need to address by the end of the week. Our expired flood insurance, our tax payments to the IRS, and a few other things that are pressing.

I read the email to my younger sister AFTER I sent it. Good thing it was after since she might have tried to make me meaner! She said, "Well. You sure are being nice and cordial." Why are people around me starting to want me to go banshee on her? What does that get me? Nothing. She will still be in control over her own choices and a vengeful, difficult, bitchy RealityTrip would only justify her choice to leave the M for the A. Nope. Not gonna do it. Not gonna give them anything further to bond over like a crazy ex-wife. I'm smooth like butta'.

For the record, I'm still a wreck. Maybe I'm in shock? I don't know. Maybe it's auto-pilot that's going to get me through this.