My w brought them into this when she openly skyped him in front of them. They need to know that this is not appropriate. Are you suggesting I just do nothing, and pretend like this is OK?
I don't want them choosing sides between me and my W, but I do want to communicate my values to them. "Values" are about choices. They are about defining what is right and what is wrong and learning to choose what is right.
I can't ignore what my W is doing in our home, or pretend like it is OK in front of my children.
Don't get me wrong, I would prefer that the kids were not involved at all. But, my W is not discrete and my kids ARE involved.
D12 was on the computer when OM called through skype. She got her mom and the 2 of them were going to skype him together. I did go over and turn off the computer, ending the call. But, I felt like something needed to be said to D12. I did not talk to D6.
I spoke with my W after the kids went to bed. I explained how hurtful this was to me and that it makes my life at home a living hell. I asked/begged her to stop. Her response was "Its my house too and I will do whatever I want".
I think I finally got her to agree that we need to end this M sooner rather than later and she said she would be willing to sit down with me later this week and try to come to an agreement on the terms of a D. Neither of us want an expensive, bitter, dragged out D.
Don't get me wrong, I would prefer that the kids were not involved at all. But, my W is not discrete and my kids ARE involved.
If you don't say or do something its almost as if you are complicit in what is going on. Kids soon wise up to things but you can't have them thinking life as it is is the norm.
You were the one who involved the kids into it. All they saw was mom talking to a "friend". The issue is that there is a time and way to explain the situation to them and doing it the way you did was wrong. Especially in front of the young one. Have you read anything about how to talk to your kids about what's going on?
And that's total BS that you don't want the kids to take sides. You told them what mommy was doing was bad, and to them it sounded like you're saying that mommy IS bad. You don't understand that the kids think that both YOU and YOUR W are perfect. You don't need to have them think any differently.
You were working off your emotions. Period.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I just respectfully disagree with you. By not being discrete, my wife has already involved my kids. My W has no business introducing these men to my kids.
If my wife was doing lines of coke at the table, while my kids did their homework, would it be inappropriate to pull them away and explain to them that this behaviour was wrong? Would telling them that drugs are destructive and that they should not be doing them be "Making their Mom out to be bad"?
But, for some reason, a married woman carrying on with single men, taking off her wedding ring, sleep ing on the couch etc.. is OK and I should just avoid any discussion of it? How stupid do you think my kids are?
And just to be clear, according to my values, mommy's behaviour is "Bad". That is just the simple truth. I want to teach my values to my kids. At the end of the day, my W owns her behaviour, not me.
//And that's total BS that you don't want the kids to take sides.//
I want my kids to love their mom and have a good relationship with her. I do not want to create conflict between my W and our kids.
When it comes to value decisions, I DO want my kids to make choices and pick sides. I do NOT want them to grow up and model my W's behaviour. Not because I want to demonize my W, but because I don't want my children to go through a broken marriage.
My W is not making choices that align with the values I want to teach my kids. Period.
