This post makes me sad. Please don't leave unless you really want to. You didn't do anything wrong, she did. Sure you didn't follow DB rules but we all slip up sometimes. Doesn't mean you have to take on so much guilt and leave. I'm not a vet so maybe I'm way off base but what about calling her bluff. She says either you leave or she does --- where is she going to go? Of course it may be better for you mentally to leave. But please don't take on so much guilt. It's not your fault she is carrying on with another man in hotel rooms. Your reaction is normal. Remember DB is counterintuitive. Take care of yourself and no rash decisions about living arrangements.
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14