A little bit of everything over the week-end, but no real negatives.... (I've got to remember that!)
Fri night H went out after work for drinks (as usual...that always gets under my skin!) Anyway, I made plans and was not home when he got home. He got home around 9:30 (takes the train, so he left the city around 8:30)....anyway....he coyly asked if I had a good night. I said yes, and then asked about his day. "More of the same ....he always says with a grumpy look." I just poured myself a glass of wine, played with the dog and watched TV....tyring to be in a pleasant mood. He falls asleep...typical Fri night around here. :
Sat morning....we have our coffee and H askes my plans for the day. Nothing big, exercise, run errands, look at cars, etc. H want to talk about furniture for his apt. We walk through house, talk about it....I'm very cool, agreeable (he's taking bare minimum) and then asks if I want to go our TV/stero shopping with him and then he would go look at cars with me. I say fine...(keeping pleasant, mind you).
So that's how the day went. I teased him while shopping, as usual, he laughed and teased back some. We had lunch and and got along fine. He asked about dinnner plans....and we decided to do take-out and watch a movie at home (those have been our "dates" most Saturdays for 6-8 months). We drank champagne, ate dinner, He said "Happy VD...which took me off guard. Then we got somewhat intimate....our typical version of ML as of late.
Sun....nothing much said. Just pleasantries. We exercised got cleaned up and just before I left for church he wanted to talk about our R. So, I said ok, I can go a little late. We had a really good talk. H said he feels lost inside, that we are so good at maintenance together...even last nights intimacy....but he wants more than routine maitenance and needs to get "Unstuck" That is why he needs to move out on his own....face himself, by himself....and find himself again. H said "He knows I want the real H in my life, fully committed to this R and moving together in a forward direction." I nodded and said yes, that IS waht I want, not the partial H. He thinks it's unfair that I have to wade in this thick mud with him and he needs to figure this all out. He said, "You have been really patient with all this, you need to move on with your life, and us living together has not helped me to get unstuck" I validated, agreed, and said "this will be good for me, too...do also do some soul-searching and figure out what I want in my future." H said he does not expect to come home one the week-end for a good meal and our routine. He wants to take time and then make a plan for us to come together to have quality discussions. He suggested we both keep track on a notepad, our questions for each other, what we're wondering about, thoughts....so neither of us project and spiral in a negative direction. H said he was worried, cuz I have more time to think about things. I agreed that would be good for me, and assured him I plan to work more and keep busy....and to reach out to others in need, that's what I do best....help the underdog.
We also discussed more logistics....he's moving stuff the week-end I'm out of town with d. Who to tell, who not to tell. He is very private, and I respect that. H asked me if I would pick up some basics (shampoo, soap, TP, etc) next time I went to Cost-co....or if that was awkward, he would do it. I agreed, cuz I have to go anyway in the next week or so. Is that to accomodating? Or is that letting go?
He was happy when I said I would.
So all and all...lots of talking. I slept ok....that's a gage for me emotional well-being. This is hard stuff, but part of me really is beginning to feel a peace with this decision. WEIRD, huh?
My biggest fears are telling our 2 kids.....that maternal instinct kicks in. He and I are on the same page with that.....I just love them so much...and don't want any immediate repercussions in their well being. I will be with my D over a long week-end (without H), so I will process it all with her. It will be hard....but we are on a ski week-end, so we will be playing along the way. We will tell our S after I get back....may go visit him at college (3 hr drive) together....that was H's suggestion.
He cares as much about those 2 as I do....that's HUGE! He loves them to death too!
Well, any insights?? Wiley? KAW? LL? Cindy? Sue? others? I welcome continual guidance.
Let go.....LET GOD.
Mooka
p.s. Sue, your= are right ....you, Wiley and I do live within an hour of each other. I met Wiley last summer and would love to get together again....and include you.. I live in the LF area....north of the city.
Mooka 
