You can see the stars, but still not see the light

[reachingHigher]

Hi Tvs, so glad you're taking time for a special treat for yourself and recharging your battery!

Time to reread snodderly's posts on reconnection? It looks different for you b/c your H never left the house and b/c he is fixated on this one woman and not all women, as my H seemed to be! Also, he's not pressing for D. I guess our sitches were quite different.

I admire you always taking the high road even as the pain sets in more deeply. You have the strength to do it, I'm a very weak emotional person and I've made it thus far! So anyone can do it, haha!

You have some happy times this month to look back on: H drawing closer and closer, happy family vacation, and spa time with a GF. More good things for you coming up with beach vacation with your sis and possible meeting some DB friends! I'm so jealous!

Thinking of you always,
rH

[Takevowsserious]

Hi dear rH~

First of all, I don't see you being weak at all! A weak person would have given up long ago. Yes, you have felt much pain and sadness but you have endured! That requires a true strength.

Yes, our sitch's are quite different. The whole A really has broken my heart like nothing else. I still wonder how it could ever fully heal. But then I am gently reminded not to get ahead of myself

In a way, your H's drinking buddy is like an OW. He chose to spend time with him over you, values his opinion so much, and bends over backward to please him.
Yet, it seems your H is learning that YOU are capable of being that best friend, and can fulfill his needs.

I keep trying to stay on that high road rH, but it is bumpy, rocky, and not a pleasant trip at times. But I think in the end, no matter what, it will be well worth it.

Trying to focus on the positives, and there are many!

Are you sure you couldn't make it out here to the east coast?

Thanks for always checking up on me, and for your continued support

[RosaLinda]

It'a nice to "see" you relaxing and drinking strawberry daiquiris with your friend this weekend, T. You mentioned that you "still have some gas in the tank" - I've found things like that, like my solo book-reading trip to Starbucks last week, really help me tank up. The process does work, but when you're trying to trust it, it sure is hard to dig in when the top soil has all washed away.

I agree with you that rH's H's drinking buddy is sort of like an OW. "He chose to spend time with him over you, values his opinion so much, and bends over backward to please him." I read somewhere that an EA can be anyone. I definitely do not think of rH as weak at all. Incredibly strong is more like it!

Hang in there a little longer, T. Frumpy's days are numbered! I promise you.

[reachingHigher]

Hi Tvs and LindaM!

Ironically, drinking buddy is spending the day at our house with his grand kids! We did a cookout and he brought various guns to shoot. I shot some too but am staying in the house while they go out back for more shooting.

It's been a real eye-opener to me...as was the cookout from last week...trying to put it together why my H would pick this fatherly type man for a best buddy.

I'll post more on my thread later this week.

I'm the kind of person who wears their feelings on their sleeve--cry at a stranger's sad story, give $ to a needy cause, root for any team I need to -- but when push comes to shove -- I do dig in and do the right thing! Thanks for the votes of confidence. I really needed it today as we leave for vacation tomorrow.

Then we shall see MIL. My IC said I can get through anything! Calm and centered shall be my mantra. It s/b an interesting three days and then I hope to be swinging in a hammock in the Florida keys!

If its any encouragement -- my H cut his hair even shorter and last evening shaved off the beard he had that mimicked his two drinking buddies.

I'm thinking that these things or people that MLCers depend on ... are weaned off slowly. Very slowly. And we just continue to be patient. And be there for this best friend that we love and cherish that has been through this terrible crisis.

Bust on!

[RosaLinda]

Ha rH, that's pretty coincidental! How does the drinking buddy treat you? I'm so glad that he accepts your reconciliation. An immature drinking buddy might be resentful. 

I know your vacation is going to go well. Just work your DB magic on your MIL. You are both the wife AND the daughter in law of the year! 

I like this "I'm thinking that these things or people that MLCers depend on ... are weaned off slowly. Very slowly. And we just continue to be patient. And be there for this best friend that we love and cherish that has been through this terrible crisis."

see TVS, your H is just weaning himself from Frumpy slowly. Your patience is paying off. I was thinking - maybe she is pushing extra hard because she's already embarassed because everyone at work thinks she is a slut. Having him break up with her will be a big humiliation. But oh well, she shouldn't try to steal some else's H!