Am I ready for this?

[Mtnman]

Fun at the fair, fun swimming, fun at church....these mlcers are just weird.

[reachingHigher]

Good to hear from you, Mm, but few details!

I was wondering how the weekend went. I am so glad it was positive. So will you take the boys camping later on in the summer?

Having a great time with an MLCer IS just weird. You are right. Why wouldn't they want to come home?

Keep going, Mm!

[Mtnman]

I'm short on details because I'm really tired. I'm emotionally and spiritually drained. I don't know what to do, rH. I'm really ready to quit. At least twice over the weekend the boys begged her to move back home. That hurts me. They deserve better.

[reachingHigher]

Hi Mm. I understand how tiring it all is. You're very invested emotionally in the family and it hurts when she is not.

I've got a busy couple of days here so can't write all my thoughts out now atm. Just wanted you to know I understand and time for you to withdraw a little bit to take care of your own needs and your boys. Leave W to herself. She can take care of herself. You need to take care of yourself.

You really don't need to ponder the decision of you staying or leaving. Just live for you and the boys for right now. They need you fully and you need some relief from the constant sorry about your sitch.

I'll be thinking of you as you face this new week,
rH

[Mtnman]

Thank you!

[reachingHigher]

Supposed to have been "worry about your sitch" but I know you're sorry too!

[Mtnman]

Haha, yes I am. Both apply.

[reachingHigher]

A random thought occurs to me to share with you, Mm. When I was ready to quit in my sitch, as I was many, many times, I would pic a future event -- say our older son getting M and my H being there with someone else. Would it bother me? Then I would think -- it could've been me if I had waited a little longer...

And I DO know people that are REALLY done. And I knew I was not. So I knew I had some strength in me to go a little farther in the sitch, pull back and nurture myself and continue to hope for the future.

[Takevowsserious]

I hope so rH. I'm playing in the pool with the boys thinking about how these are the best days of our lives. How can you not see that? The boys are their happiest with the two of us together. That has to register.

Hi M man~

I understand how you are feeling. I wonder the same thing all the time. H never left here, but spent so much time away mentally and emotionally, it was often difficult to be around him. I truly got to see the shell of a person he had become.

I, like rH and many others, felt I was "done" quite a few times. I was ready to part ways back in January when I thought I couldn't take this one minute longer.

He and I had a big talk - some good things came from it, some not so good things too- but I found the strength to dig in some more.

These are the best years with our children, you are so very right. And our MLCers may see it or not. But WE see it. We can't begin to know their logic, but we can live in the moment and enjoy every last minute with our kids.

I bet a part of your wife does realize this, but she is conflicted in many ways.

I like what rH said about picturing her H with someone else at a future wedding.

I would picture holidays and special occasions apart from my children, celebrating everything as a shattered family. That helped me to dig in deeper for patience.

uRworthy has given me some wonderful advice on my thread that you may be able to apply to your sitch as well.

Hang in there

[Mtnman]

Thanks tvs and rH. I've been thinking a out the sitch you both mentioned about holidays without my boys, or seeing my w with someone else. It haunts me to think about that. Another nugget that keeps me fighting, and I can't quote the source and will be paraphrasing. But it is why let another person reap the benefits of our spouses journey.

The boys stayed away last night and being home alone always gets me down. W has asked me to go pick them up with her if I want to.

I telephone called in to my first al-anon mtg today. The subject discussed was detachment. It was amazing to hear how the db and al-anon principles relate in so many ways.

Two phrases that touched me were:
1. This tragedy will happen with or without me, so why not remove myself from the event.

2. I will neither cause a catastrophe to happen nor prevent one.

Both seemed to apply to our dealings with mlcers.

I will see this through.