She is gone and not coming back

[AnotherStander]

I went to the hotel and confronted the manager, who showed me the receipt...with W's signature on it, and a copy of her ID. So, she lied to me.

If it were me I would tell her that you disputed the charge with the hotel (since that was HER recommendation) and that the manager showed you a copy of the receipt with her signature and a copy of her ID. And I would say NOTHING MORE. I would just present her with the facts and leave it at that. Don't ask her to explain, don't get in her face, don't act angry/ upset. Just tell her in a plain, matter-of-fact tone and walk away. That will get through to her much more strongly than if you try to yell/ scream about it.

[Verum]

I agree with AS's approach. The implication is stronger than saying it out loud.

[SFC_Swede]

Thanks again for the advice

I am torn, and I guess the wounded "still in love with her" part of my brain wants answers, while the logical part knows staying silent and moving on is probably my best course of action.

I am Gal'ing this weekend on a dive trip teaching new open water students, so I am at least out of the house and cant do anything stupid before I fully think this through

[SFC_Swede]

Yeah..it ended badly. I have to be out by the end of the week.

[MrBond]

What did you do?

[SFC_Swede]

It really doesnt matter Mr Bond. My W is just too far gone at this moment for any further effort at this time. I have never seen anyone become so detached, and so emotionally vacant from a relationship before.

She has been systematically backing out of the relationship for months. The only reason I am still in the house is because I have, for the most part backed way the heck off and remained relatively a ghost in her life.

This will be good for me. I need to give in to the fact that she is gone...and she isnt coming back. And I need to move on myself. Staying here isnt doing anything but giving me false hope that it will all turn around. Its time to let go.

[MrBond]

Actually it does matter to see what damage was done and what can be done moving forward. Besides it affects you. Regardless of what you think, things can always change. The problem is that I think you've always been pessimistic to a certain degree and continue to think that just because you aren't seeing any changes in your W, that the dynamic isn't changing.

But if you don't want "false" hope. Then good luck to you. BTW, there's no such thing as "false" hope. Either you have it or you don't.

[SFC_Swede]

I dont even recognize the woman she is anymore anyway. She seems happy...so in a way, I am happy for her. There are things that have me scratching my head, such her going out to a concert wearing a bikini top. If you knew her...it is not her at all. She was always so self conscious about herself despite my constant reassurances and praise. She is drinking more, and spending alot of time out. If almost think she is having a MLC.

Like I said in other threads...she has been working out like a champ and does look good...but her behavior ha me perplexed.

[MrCAS]

If both names are on the deed, she can not legally force you to leave the house. She can ask or tell you to go but she can not force you to. Whether you want to stay or not is up to you.

For me? I chose to save the house from foreclosure and my financial life. The upside is is that I am now the King of the realm. Woohoo!

I feel for you. Honestly I do.

[SFC_Swede]

If you really want to know how bad I messed up, I will tell you. It has bothered me that her mother and family have ghosted me as well. Her mother and I had a great relationship, and I treated her really well and often was there for her when her kids werent. So I sent her a private message basically saying that I was disappointed that she hasnt contacted me in months.

I also messed up saying that I wasnt stupid and knew that things with OM were going on.

Well...as you can guess, it didnt stay private and she told my W. At that point, I was given the choice of her leaving...or me. I am doing the unselfish thing for my SS and leaving so he can stay in a stable home environment. Afterall, had I not done this and remained a ghost in the house...I wouldnt be in the sitch anyway.