Getting Back to Me

[RealityTrip]

Thanks friends. I feel uggh. I am trying to concentrate on work but my mind is spinning. I go from frantically running my To Do list in my head to... wondering if she's thought about me since she left to... thinking about all the things I need to do around the house to... being depressed about having to give up my home since I can't afford it alone to... thinking I'll be ok to... well you get the picture... It's a freakin' tornado in my head.

I haven't cried today. I almost did when I went home for lunch. I thought... I need to mow the lawn, then I just looked at my home as I drove away from it to go back to work. I got really sad.

My sisters and friends are on the "fragile LBS watch". My phone does not stop going off. Call, text, call, text. Everyone is so sweet but it is daunting and a lot! My neighbor even asked if she could watch a movie at my house last night because something was wrong with her cable. I'm sure. She's sweet though. She came down and watched and then left after I fell asleep and locked up behind herself.

I know the focus should be on me but can I just have an obsessive moment here though? lol! I just want to say I do not understand that rationalization of leaving your marriage after 12 years to go be with someone who in your 2 yr affair has already cheated on you. Your communication is peppered with disrespectful name calling and neither of you has a steady income or a place to live.

She told me she couldn't get past the "What If" in her mind about OW.

I can see my future a bit. The one with just me in it. The one where I am happier and healthier and truly smiling again. But I see the mountain I have to climb to get there and it's big. I'm already so tired from the battle down here in valley.

And can someone just tell me that things are not rosy for W and AP right now?

I hope they eat their emotions and get fat. (ok, ok, not healthy detachment... but come on?... just a little fat?)