Hi Mooka,

You know, you are driving me bananas.. How come you said all that stuff?? You KNOW better than that, cuz not ONE good thing could have come from it. You don't need to establish "boundaries", you don't need to indirectly compare a tv show with your sitch, you don't need to express your feeleings unless he asks you to, you DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO BRING UP OW AT THIS TIME. All that leads to is your H validating in his own mind that LEAVING is the right thing to do...thus..
Quote:

I am now certain after last night and this morning that finding my own place is the right thing to do. I am really questioning, seriously if we could ever have love and passion for each other again.

I'm no genius, but it sounds to me like before all this happened, he may not have made up his mind to go. Partly because you WERE WILLING TO LET HIM GO AND NOT STAND IN HIS WAY IF THATS WHAT HE FELT WAS THE BEST THING FOR HIM AT THIS TIME., and that made him think. Now, he feels pressured, and of course under pressure, THEY WILL RUN..

I'm not gonna say I told you so, but yes, had you just simply said what I suggested, I GUARANTEE, you do not end up with a "bristling H".

Anyway, its said and done, so now you just STOP discussing it and let him do what he's going to do, and go back to doing what works: Giving Space, letting him initiate R talk, NO PRESSURE, NO ASSUMING ABOUT OW, AGREE WITH WHATEVER HE SEES IS WRONG, and act HAPPY, CONFIDENT, CALM along with sticking to that set of goals you made for yourself.

If you haven't read "Love Must BE Tough", by James Dobson I highly recommend it, it deals specifically on how to handle a WA that is pulling away, what works and what never does..

Just leave the sitch to itself for a few days Mooka, and let things settle..NO PRESSURE..just take care of yourself.