Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give you the short ... short version.
The reason I had stated that boundary was because CAW had mentioned possibly seeing where R goes with OM as a reason for the seperation, but that she still wanted us to be friends. However, your H's interpretation of your statement as an ultimatum was pretty much the same as CAW's. I said to her, I didn't mean for her to take it as such, beause that wasn't the intent of my statemtent. Just that I wanted her to understand that I do feel strongly that our M can be saved, but if she continued down the path to pursue R with OM that I don't think I could feel the same way.
Keep in mind, that any opinion you have in opposition to theirs will not be received positively, but they will weigh what you say very carefully afterwards. It may sound like you are pushing him away, but its a normal WAS reflex kicking in. No WAS is ever gonna respond "Oh, I see your point. What was I thinking?" Even so, you want to attempt for your statements to be received as neutral as possible. So you don't want to give the impression that you are forcing your opinions on him, which is why it is sooo important not to be the one that initiates R talks. Wait until he opens the door, such as asking for how you feel. Follow his lead and stay on the topic he brings up. Start with validating with what he says and then include your thoughts with the use of "I" statements to avoid agrueements and to clear up any confusion or misinterpretations.
Hang in there (((Mooka))), and bear in mind that your H is gonna need plenty of space and time to do his "thinking", so try to give him as much as possible. Keep putting feelers out there to test the waters ... if he seems receptive, invite him to share in your activities ... if not or he declines, be OK with his choice and give him his space.
Since you mentioned you were hunting for my threads this will get you there ... Are the Pieces Really Coming Together?. Following the links will get you to my first thread (Get out of jail FREE!) where the first post pretty much sums up "where I'm coming from" ... but keep in mind the particulars that works for one person doesn't mean it will work for another. You want to try to understand the concept behind the actions / words and find the actions you can take in your sitch enforce the same concepts. Hope that makes sense?
