You're right, MrCas. No more snooping at all. I was continuously looking on her Facebook. I have stopped that completely, because like you say, it has caused me nothing but grief and pain. As much as I want to, it is just not healthy for me to see.
This weekend was a whirlwind. Daughter and I were very active, had lots of fun, and I also shed a few tears. All in all, we had some good "quality time" together. We engaged in some fun activities. We visited with friends, took in a car show, went to a open air market. Daughter got a chance to do some simulated rock climbing, and she made it all the way to the top, to ring the bell. I am guessing she was up around 25-30 feet. She loved it! Yesterday, we went for a ride in our custom car. We also spent a few hours down on the river bed with a couple friends, tossing rocks, building sand castles and trying to catch a fish....Unfortunately no fish :-( We ended the night having dinner with family. Daughter got a chance to play with her cousin. Again, it is kind of ironic, but these are wife's family members that I have become very close with. Wife has distanced herself from them....such is the oddity of this whole process. You really learn who is important to you and who is not.
One thing I learned about myself and life, this weekend, is that I need to put more focus on enjoying time with daughter and loved ones. That was always an issue with W and I. She wanted to play all the time. I wanted to focus on home and business. I am beginning to see how important it is to have a balance. Life is too short to miss out on the potential fun times. I need to get more involved with fun stuff, not that I don't have lots of interests and activities that I already enjoyed, but I think I need to do more of the stuff that pulls me away from home.
This morning, I was up and awake at 3:30am. My mind was doing it's thing again, worrying about the failure of the marriage and how unfair it all seems. I accepted that I was just having feelings, and that they would eventually pass. They did. I also did a lot of thinking about how to end this all. Wife says that she needs to have a settlement before she moves out. As much as I hate the thought of it, I think I am going to have to really dig deep and start letting go of the material and financial things, simply to move this situation along. It's funny, but when she first left me she expressed that "we had nothing". She meant that our relationship was nothing, and all we had were material things. She said over and over again that she didn't care the slightest bit about material items and therefore there was nothing even remotely holding her to this relationship. Now, here we are getting ready to battle over a bedroom set or a washer and dryer. It seems ironic to me, especially considering how I have always been the material one, and I am now ready to just give it all away in hopes of saving myself emotionally. It is surreal that this aspect has come full circle.