Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

W and I had a somewhat productive conversation.
I stated my feelings and observation of why I believe S being around OM is not beneficial for him since I don’t want S to be confused. That until there comes a time she chooses to be with OM (which she says they are only friends), to keep his interaction with him to a minimal. I know it comes off controlling and I have really thought hard about it for a while and I believe I needed to say it regardless of how it looks or sounds.

Talked about her moving out and what that means with our interaction with S. We have not fully agreed on the logistics but are in agreement we want S to feel at home in both places and that he is just not going to visit W. Talked about if there will be overnight guests and that if there would be, not to do it if S is there. She said she is not planning on having any with S or without S being there. She said “but that there can be a time in the future.” . I stated I am ok with that if we are no longer married.

She stated how she has to do this to figure out how to be happy and to see if her unhappiness is the R or something within her. I validated and it takes a lot of courage to do what she is doing it will be some hard road head of us but the self-discovery will be useful. She said once again how she is ready to have another child and her time is running out and how “this doesn’t have to be permanent” regarding her moving out. I said time will tell and that we both need to work on our own issues.

I have been working with my IC on some of the issues from not only the M but going back and how that has affected my thought process to the stich. What I don’t want to do is blame everything under the sun in childhood. I can’t go around saying I am a crappy person because I had a crappy childhood. How can you tell if the decisions you are making or your outlook in life is based on that? I really like to think that as reasonable human being, I am seeing things not only based on one experience but really weighing the opposing options.

What kind of process one should take to really examine where decision making is based on one’s value, morals, history or what not?