Do you believe the things she's saying? If no then who the hell cares what she says. Does she, or what she says, define who you are?
Do I believe her accusations? The ones of physical abuse, no. The ones about emotional abuse and controlling behavior, I don't know. If so, then my parents' marriage was the same way. My therapist says from the examples I gave him that it was nothing but the typical arguments a couple had. I certainly didn't mean to do those things if I did.
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My point is you can't control what kind of BS she says or does, all you control is how you act and how you react. Make sure everything you do is with honor, dignity, and grace and everything will work out in the end.
Thank you, I'll try to remember that. That's going in my Evernote file full of advice from this forum.
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Goal #1: Figure out who you want to be Goal #2: Do things to achieve goal #1 I know it sounds simple but who is it you want to be? Once you figure out who that is you are in total control to make that happen.
Makes sense, but I have this fear that it is too late to become who I want to be.
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You were each to blame for the breakdown in your M. M is a 2 way street and you are only 50% of the equation. You can own 100% of your 50% but no more than that. I used to take the blame for a lot of stuff that wasn't mine. Hell, at one point I even blamed myself for her affair. The whole spouse on a pedestal thing... You might have been an a$$ but I guarantee it wasn't all your fault so stop taking it all. Own your stuff and that's it.
Thank you... Thank you.. You have no idea how much guilt I feel. Well, maybe you do...
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I've always said forgiving myself is so much harder for me then forgiving others. I'm not sure what to say to help you with this one. For me personally I started to forgive myself when I started really believing the changes I had made were real and part of me. I owned the mistakes I made and decided not to repeat them. It helped because I realized I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. Truth be told I went into my M with a very small toolbox and wasn't able to deal with things that came up.
Boy, does that sound familiar. I believe I've added to my toolbox greatly since the BD.
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Happiness comes from within yourself. Your statement has codependent all over it (i.e. your happiness is tied to your W). I felt the exact same way so I understand why you feel this way. As you continue on your journey you'll start realizing you will be happy again. Might even find you're more happy when you start living life the way you were meant to and being the person you always wanted to be.
I can see why you'd say that, but towards the end of my M, when my W & I were incredibly distant, my job was killing me, money troubles were nipping at our heels, and my dad was in and out of the hospital, there were times I fantasized about winning the lottery and leaving the W. That doesn't sound co-dependent to me, does it? Can you become co-dependent AFTER a relationship? For what it's worth, I see now that my unhappiness back then wasn't with my W, it was with our circumstances and a feeling that nothing could get better.
Originally Posted By: LeftCoastLBH
I have no idea how to respond to her text, somebody please help!!!!
Why do you feel need to respond right now? [/quote]
Mainly because it is the first time she has reached out to me since January and not responding would be MORE OF THE SAME from me. I used to do that all the time when we were together. And my damn L says I still can't respond!!!
