I know how you are struggling with this and I'm sorry that you even have to deal with it, but it is what it is..
An earlier poster referenced that perhaps no matter what you say, it may not keep your h from leaving. You yourself have repeated time and time again..
Quote: He has said on many occassions, that he has to figure his own stuff out, what he wants, before he's even willing to think about working on the M.
Now, you can either "believe none of what they say" or whatever, or LISTEN to what he says he needs, and support his choice. You can tell him how you really feel if you want, its probably not going to change his mind, because he is BENT on leaving. If he bugs you to let him know what you feel, you can tell him if that makes you feel better. But saving the M won't hinge on telling him you think its wrong for him to leave, because he'll leave anyway. Again, if it were me, and I'm no expert, I would bite the proverbial bullet and if he presses I'd say something like..
"Look, as I've said before, I'm not sure what I feel, LIKE YOU, I've got some of my own issues to resolve. And allthough part of me PREFERS we stay together and work things out, if I'm REALLY LISTENING to what you're saying to me, it sounds like you NEED to be apart for awhile to find out what it is that YOU want, before we can work on the M again. Allthough it makes me sad to hear it, I don't want to stand in your way, if LEAVING is what YOU think is best. Now, if I'm not understanding your position or reacting in a manner you'd like, please help me clear it up, so THAT WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE..."
To me, something along those lines lets Mooka's H know that she would like it if he stayed, but being a sacrificing W, she is willing to let him go, if thats WHAT HE FEELS is whats best for now..
If you look at many of the "success' stories on the BB, one of the more recurring themes from a returning WA's point of view, was that the LBS, did not stand in their way of seperating and/or wanting a D. That was a common denominator, and I can certainly understand why.
I don't know how she comes off being any more supportive and STRONG than that.
We all know that Seperation isn't what we want, thats painfully obvious. But if the WA is going to go that route regardless, sometimes its best not to resist, and live to save the M another day..
Mooka, do what you feel is best, you know him inside and out. Just don't be afraid, things happen for a reason, look for the silver lining, usually there is one..
