NLW, I am so sorry that your situation continues to be difficult. You seem a lot more together emotionally than I am. I get too easily triggered when dealing with xh. Talking with him yesterday went well, but communicating back and forth via email and text was a disaster. It's too easy for words to be misunderstood and taken the wrong way. Xh sees written words as demands or strong statements not simply opinions. He gets his back up because he reads all kinds of emotions and unintended meaning into what I write and before I know it I'm defending myself. I should have stuck to my guns and limited it to oral communication on his terms.
I can't stop crying. I feel hopeless. I don't care about anything anymore and am worried that I never will. I need to get away from this insanity or it will continue. Dealing with xh triggered so much grief and trauma (maybe PTSD). I haven't felt this bad in a long time.
I'm so sorry GM, I feel like chasing him down and beating him over the head for you. Lets face it thou, that wont help a thing.
If you need to vent all night, i'll stay up and respond, sometimes just chatting away and getting it all off your chest is the best way to deal with it. Maybe grab some paper and just write write write, I love to journal when im bummed out.
Then go back and read it, and see how much it changes, the wording, the syntax, the structure, after im done. You can see it change as you get it out. Eventually you get to a point, you've worn yourself out and your tired and ready for bed.
T, thank you so much. I cried myself to sleep and missed your post. It sure is comforting to know I have friends on this board who will see me through difficult times.
I need to go put an ice pack on my eyes and get ready for work. I'm usually so distracted there that I don't think about my sitch. Maybe today will bring some good news. At least I will work to regain some perspective, starting with all that I am grateful for.
I can't stop crying. I feel hopeless. I don't care about anything anymore and am worried that I never will. I need to get away from this insanity or it will continue. Dealing with xh triggered so much grief and trauma (maybe PTSD). I haven't felt this bad in a long time.
(((golf mom)))
So sorry you are having a rough time right now.
I have no words of wisdom.
Just sympathy.
Take care of yourself.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Thank you, mizj. This weekend has been a roller coaster ride. Xh is in a bad place. He wasn't as open as some MLCers as reported on the boards, but he has admitted to having lots of anxiety and is emotionally unable to deal with much.
Xh's behavior and settlement demands are all fear-based. He's worried about how he'll survive on his own (away from OW) once he pays the higher support I am asking for. He seems to want sympathy for a situation that he created. He chose to run away and into a bad R. He hurt me and the boys. We all need therapy. I need meds. What a mess and he still doesn't seem to see the connection that it was his poor choice that put this in motion. How do you explain this to a troubled, addicted person when they're still blaming others and feeling sorry for themselves? The boys therapist will be calling him to talk to him about starting his own therapy. Maybe he'll finally listen.
GM, I'm very sorry about what happened this weekend. I had hoped he would have settled down just a bit, but it appears that he went back and possibly discussed his situation w/someone and they pointed out that he may not be able to live on his own w/o someone helping w/the bills, etc.
You can't explain any of your situation to a troubled, addicted person who is still blaming others for their problems. They have to figure it out on their own and hit bottom. You could sit and explain it to your xh until you are blue in the face, but he will never look at the mirror and see what is before him and why things are the way they are. The only thing you can do is protect yourself and your boys at all costs.
As for the boys' therapist calling and talking to him...he'll listen, but it will go in one ear and out of the other because he's not ready to listen or do the hard work.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
gMom, for your sanity you should limit direct contact with him. I agree with the idea of taking care of yourself and then the boys. You need to be in a good spot and that will reap great rewards for them too.
A settlement has finally been reached. I'm on pins and needles until it's signed since xh has changed his mind so many times. I agreed not to move until s16 graduates from HS in exchange for full legal and physical custody, above guideline support and my home with a very small payout to xh when I sell. Xh and I hashed this out ourselves which is why I've been such a mess. Dealing with him is extremely difficult. He's incredibly self-absorbed to the point of being cruel. I forwarded all the emails to my attorney. She had also received them from opposing counseling and advised me to take the offer immediately. It's really unfortunate that I'm getting pretty much what I've asked for all along, but it took over 20k between us and we ended up working it out ourselves. What a waste.
Sadly, S13 wasn't even mentioned. I guess xh doesn't care if he moves away in two years. I don't know what to think of that but will mention it to the therapist so he can monitor their R.
GM, I'm glad a settlement has been reached and I hope and pray that he won't change his mind (again). It's been a very stressful time for you and the boys and I hope that you'll be able to find some peace soon.
I'm so sorry he fought you tooth and nail for many months over this settlement and then finally agree. However, this is how many of the mlcers are, i.e., they want the divorce and yet, fight you tooth and nail all of the way racking up the bills w/the lawyers. It's just plain crazy.
If you need to chat more, you know where to find me. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
