Hi Mooka,

Hope you had a good weekend, too bad about the tennis gig, hopefully they'll have another one you can take part in soon..

Lets take a look at whats going on here..
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I sat quietly, listened..and said.."I want you to do what it takes to figure this out for yourself." I was calm, but somewhat quiet...

BRAVO, outstanding act of calm, confident, in control Mooka, very good. PERFECT answer.
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Then, over the coure of the morning, HE KEEPS ASKING ME ABOUT MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. At first I put him off and said I was still sorting through those and have not formed any real conclusions.

EXCELLENT. For all you DB viewers at home, look at how Mooka is handling this rather trying situation. She is sincerely agreeing with how her H needs space to figure himself out, which in of itself, unwittingly pulls him closer to her emotionally, because she is willing to SACRIFICE for him..and of course, he then wants to know how she feels, because he's taken aback by her willingness to let him move out on his own. He expected her to act in a more defensive, perhaps pleading manner, and she didn't, now he's WONDERING whats going on in her little head. She has just taken the crucial first step in perhaps getting him back, because she is starting to play the game on more even terms..she's acting a little more like a WA rather than a LBS, and now he's wanting to know what her feelings are, trying to figure her out, etc..not the normal behavior from someone who is so set on pulling away..
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A while later, he asked again..I said OK..this is what I'm thinking about

Once again, he wants to know whats going on with Mooka, because she's not behaving as he expected. Now he is more concerned about why she's ok with him leaving, than he is about actually leaving.. Mooka, up to this point you handled yourself perfectly. Then you started to explain yourself, talk about passionionate futures, maintenance modes, and the like and then you start to give control back to him because not on the same page in terms of all that stuff as you are. Next time, just stick to something more like.."Look, I'm just not sure how I feel about all of this right now, maybe you moving out IS the best thing for both of us...blah, blah, blah" You achieve far more by not explaining your true feelings and simply just validate his need to leave, AND let him continue to wonder about YOUR sudden uncertainty in terms of where things stand. VERY EFFECTIVE..keeps him a little off balance, which is WHAT HE'S BEEN SO EFFECTIVE AT DOING TO YOU..
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He asked if I was ok. I said its hard but I will be fine. I said he knew he worried about me..(he said YES, I DO)..I reiterated I'd be fine.

Yes Mooka, you will be fine, but in all honesty when i read that reply, I start to feel pity for you more than thinking how ATTRACTIVE/CHALLENGING you could have been to him by calmly responding something like.."I'm fine, thanks for asking thats sweet of you.. Actually, I'm kind of wondering if YOU'RE going to be OK. I mean once we're seperated, I just want to make sure I DONT LEAD YOU ON into thinking I'm going to be waiting around for you to come back... Then all of a sudden, you eliminate the pity, and you continue to have him WONDERING just who is this STRONG, CONFIDENT, NON DOORMAT he's dealing with, versus feeling bad for you because HE'S LEAVING. Remember Mooka, very, very, seldom to we fall in love with someone we pity. We care about them, but pity rarely equates to ATTRACTION in a romantic way..

You're doing very well. I'd just leave things as they are tonight and not say anything more, and as always: ACT HAPPY JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE, BE HIS TEAMMATE towards however he sees things, whatever is meant to be is meant to be. Accept your H for who he is and what he feels he must now do, and take it from there..