Right now I think if she stops playing games, doesn't try to use me and respects what I want would be a start.

Go slow, she won't change all of this in a short period of time. Look at your own experience with change.

You will need to set boundaries and hold them.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss