It’s been about 8 years since I got the ILYBNILWY speech from W which she followed up with “ I don’t fancy you” which is a bit of a childish statement but I guess it did convey her feelings towards me. I used to post on here regularly when I was an active DB’er through newcomers and piecing although I have not posted in about four years. I may link up my old threads but they may not be relevant as I’m just looking for a place to journal my current situation and feelings.
Currently W and I have been living as separate entities under the same roof for the last 2 years and are divorcing based on that case (UK Law). I have the court documents here which I need to sign and return.
I am journaling now as the situation is getting to me, we started our living our separate lives 2 year ago when I found a text from W’s original lover of 8 years ago, although their affair was over there was contact between them for which I said enough was enough. In the intervening time I know W has had many friendships or PA outside the marriage whilst she was trying to convince me we were in piecing. It was at the start of this year when W actually said we should divorce, I think the reason was she has found someone else to move on with.
So living under the same roof is stress full but I though I was coping, however I’m at the point now where I’m feeling the strain when W goes out and returns home in the wee hours after spending time with her new friend, again I thought I could cope. However this last occasion she spent the whole day and night out and when she returned she left her over night bag in full view of which was full of all sorts of paraphernalia and sex toys the sight of which knocked me sick. I also feel a mixture of jealousy, shame anger humiliation etc.(I hope you can understand this) in all our time together W convinced me she wasn’t interested in sex, and when it did happen infrequently it was straight up and down missionary and done when she said that’s enough now.
I can’t believe the person she’s changed into, but on reflection she was always this person I just wasn’t the one to light her spark. I was 100% faithfull to the marriage and lack of intimacy over the years is hurting me especially as I see W moving on and getting it on.
So how do I overcome and survive, well I know I need to GAL, I go to the gym everyday and am losing pounds, W always called me fat (and ugly) and sighted this as one of her reasons for not being with me. As this is a very hot summer I also take my bike in to the countryside and cycle to help clear my mind. W also spends a lot of time away from the house so I do get to spend quality time with D11, she’s a good kid and knows what is going on and accepts her mother is a bad one but loves still her as any kid should.
I’ve tried dating websites but frankly have’t met anyone to connect with, any the ladies that seem to be interested in me are just not my type. I think the long and the short of it is that I’m not ready for dating, probably won’t be until after the big D, so I’m on here looking for survival tips whilst I go through the D process.
So my first post in a section that I never wanted to be in but ultimately know I’d be here.
