I'm surprised how strong your reaction was. I'm sorry that my words made you feel angry. It sounds like it is very important to you to be able to say your piece, to get "on record" about how wronged you were, regardless of whether it has an impact on W or not. In all likelihood, at the point you two are at, it won't have any positive impact on W.
I can see how you might think that, but that's not the goal of what I wanted to say to her at all. While I am very upset at the way I have been treated, the goal of what I wanted to say was to try to make things better, not to get on some sort of record as being a victim. I can see how the second and third sentences in my proposed statement could be interpreted as blaming though.
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It sounds like you are doing a lot of work to rectify the depression and anxiety that contributed to your marital problems. It sounds like your lack of forgiveness for yourself (for what, being depressed?) is part of the depression. You did what you could with the tools you had at the time. Hopefully you are developing better tools and coping skills. Getting through this is a test of them. Rising above, taking care of you, and intentionally looking for and building a better future is part of fixing what you did wrong in your marriage, can you see that?
I wish I could. I think I have made big strides and if, by some miracle, we had a second chance, things would be very different. But I see taking care of me and building a better future as a selfish and solitary act and nothing to do with fixing what I did wrong in my marriage.
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Throwing yourself under the bus and acting like no one in the world will be a better match for you than a woman who also had such poor coping skills that she cheated on her marriage...sounds to me like more of the same for you. Allowing negative thinking to hinder you.
Yes, I have a problem with negative thinking and it was one of my W's complaints. I thought I was doing better, but this conference has me backsliding hard. I don't know that my W cheated on me, so I am really uncomfortable with her being called a cheater.
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You have so much potential. You cannot control your W. It's not your fault that she cheated, she has free will. But you need to find yourself, and grow from this or it will have been a pointless waste.
This is something I've been hashing out with my therapist. It's my negative thinking again, but sometimes I feel like my whole life has been a pointless waste.
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BTW I think it's really cool that you expressed your anger the way you did, instead of attacking me. You did better than I have done in my own thread when challenged.
Well, attacking was my initial response, but I realized you are just trying to help and probably didn't mean it as I took it. I got pretty hostile with some of MrBond's comments in the past, so I guess I'm improving.
