LBH on the Left Coast III: Return of the Lefty

[adinva]

I'm surprised how strong your reaction was. I'm sorry that my words made you feel angry. It sounds like it is very important to you to be able to say your piece, to get "on record" about how wronged you were, regardless of whether it has an impact on W or not. In all likelihood, at the point you two are at, it won't have any positive impact on W.

I have had a long tendency to look at what benefit there is from saying something, and to say "what's the point". That's not necessarily good, though it works for me.

I read your words, and wasn't in any way condemning you, but was just pointing out that I felt "what's the point" about a lot of your words that you were thinking of saying. I'm sorry that hurts.

It sounds like you are doing a lot of work to rectify the depression and anxiety that contributed to your marital problems. It sounds like your lack of forgiveness for yourself (for what, being depressed?) is part of the depression. You did what you could with the tools you had at the time. Hopefully you are developing better tools and coping skills. Getting through this is a test of them. Rising above, taking care of you, and intentionally looking for and building a better future is part of fixing what you did wrong in your marriage, can you see that?

Throwing yourself under the bus and acting like no one in the world will be a better match for you than a woman who also had such poor coping skills that she cheated on her marriage...sounds to me like more of the same for you. Allowing negative thinking to hinder you.

You have so much potential. You cannot control your W. It's not your fault that she cheated, she has free will. But you need to find yourself, and grow from this or it will have been a pointless waste.

BTW I think it's really cool that you expressed your anger the way you did, instead of attacking me. You did better than I have done in my own thread when challenged.